an update: tears, humility and ice cream

A very heartfelt thank you to all those who commented on my post last Monday, both here and on Twitter and Facebook. It really was not my most shining parenting moment, that's for sure! But I know I'm not the only one who loses my temper or raises my voice or makes mistakes as a mom... I just don't usually do all those things is such quick succession! And to all those who mentioned something about an "awful day", all that happened between 3:45pm and 6:30pm (when I sent them all to bed early). Not even three hours! It's amazing how quickly everything can implode.

After I posted that blog, I went to the boys' room and quietly opened the door. They were all asleep (clearly they were all over-tired which I'm sure was one of many contributing factors). I was a bit disappointed to not get to talk to them, so I hauled myself up onto the top bunk with Liam and shook him until he woke up. I told him I needed him to know how sorry I was for losing my temper and yelling at them all. That it wasn't his fault and that I loved him so very, very much.

The first words out of his mouth?

"It's okay mommy. I forgive you." 

And then...

"I love you, too." With that he rolled back over and was sound asleep a few seconds later. 

I'm finding that, as my boys grow and change and mature, that I'm finding more and more moments where I'm amazed, awed, encouraged... and humbled. That was definitely one of the humbling ones.

After lugging myself none-to-gracefully out of Liam's bed, I went to Simon. Leaning over him, I shook him gently. Then not so gently. I whispered his name. I rocked him back and forth. Child would. not. wake. up. See above re: being tired. So I kissed him and whispered "I love you" and moved on to Andrew.

Andrew proved just as impossible to stir, but much easier to move. So I picked him up out of his crib and carried him to the chair in the boys' room. I sat with him and rocked him and held him and soaked in his sleeping sweetness... and felt even worse for what I'd done.

We can all agree that parenting is rewarding and wonderful and life-changing and amazing and so many other things... but it can also be really, really hard. Although we generally enjoy our life down here in Bogota, parenting in a foreign country where both the weather and the city itself can often times be oppressive, and where your main support system is thousands of miles away, has added some challenges that I maybe wasn't fully at all prepared for. Throw in a hugely shocking -and unbelievably difficult- surprise pregnancy and all the raging hormones and volatile emotions that go along with it and you have the recipe for some rather un-stellar parenting moments.

Thank goodness our boys are resilient! I just hope they're able to remember all the truly wonderful times we've had down here... with hopefully many more to come.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Oh, and what of the cheque book? 

Well after looking in every imaginable place SEVERAL TIMES EACH, Peter found it in the first place I'd looked. He celebrated his find by chiding me ever so slightly... and I burst into tears. 

I'd looked there! More than once! I swear! 

I was so angry and frustrated... and emotionally fragile. I just sat there AND CRIED. 

I'd looked there.

Peter had gotten home late that day (after the boys had been sent to bed) and I'd not had the chance to unload on him the complete narrative of our fully horrible afternoon, so he was a bit taken aback by my melting into a puddle on the couch. I think he might've made up for it with a bowl of ice cream (I am pregnant after all, and they have some really excellent ice cream down here), but I think I've blocked that afternoon/evening from my memory as much as possible.

Either way, cheque book was found and the necessary cheques were written and mailed. 

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Four out of five members of this family cried that night, but hopefully the perspective gained will carry me through the last few months of this pregnancy. If not, I guess I'll be well acquainted with apologizing to my boys and being humbled by their unconditional love and easy forgiveness. 

As backup, we spent over $15 on ice cream today.

this day was a mess. both literally and figuratively.

I'm in the midst of one of those nights that makes me question what the heck I'm doing bringing another child into this family...

I was already in a bit of a mood when the boys got home from school as I'd spent the afternoon searching our apartment for our hasn't-been-used-in-seven-months cheque book. The sale of our house closes in just over a month (very good!) and we have some relatively important crucial cheques to write... and no cheques (very bad). 

I made the boys a plate of pineapple, pretzels, a bit of dry cereal (and a marshmallow) as their after school snack... which was in addition to the granola bar they'd each eaten on their 45 minute bus ride home. Even though it was a sufficient snack and they were assured several times that dinner was in just over an hour, I heard nothing but whining for more food. 

Liam got send to his room when he refused to listen to reason and be content.

Simon and Andrew fought almost non-stop from the moment the older boys got home... except when Simon was laughing at Andrew drawing all over the (thankfully closed) Macbook with Crayola markers.

While I was cleaning the laptop before Peter had the chance to see it, Andrew lined up all the cars out in the living room. Simon messed them up. After abandoning the cars to Simon for a bit, Andrew returned only to start picking up the cars and throwing them down the hall. Simon freaked out and stood in the middle of the hall screaming "NOOOOOOOO!" at the top of his lungs, then picked up one of the (metal) cars in his fist and ran at Andrew to try to punch him repeatedly in the head. Luckily I was right there to block his blows. Luckily.

(I'm sure the little old lady living below loves us...)

Liam came out of his room and proceeded to follow me around the kitchen while I was starting supper complaining about how bored he was and that HE NEEDS the computer or wii (only allowed on the weekends). All of my suggestions to play Lego or listen to Adventures in Odyssey or draw or paint or colour were all met with even more whining, and he ended up stomping off loudly screaming.

Meanwhile, Simon and Andrew had made up enough to decide to build "a fort" while I was busy getting supper ready and cleaning our disaster of a kitchen (yes, we have a maid, and yes, she comes tomorrow, but I'd feel like we were seriously taking advantage of her to make her clean that mess!). Their idea of "a fort" apparently meant taking our smallish hockey nets, pushing them up against the front door, and filling them with every toy/piece of clothing/bag/paper/coat/shoe/boot/etc they could find nearby. This included emptying all six drawers in the dresser we keep by the front door AND dumping in a double set of LeapFrog fridge magnet letters. Among other things.

I'm not sure if it was before or after the "fort" making that Andrew decided to shake the entire contents of a full sippy cup all over the living room.

While Simon sat and watched.

And laughed.

And probably egged him on.

During supper (which no one liked), Andrew got down from his highchair (while I'd gotten up to answer a call from Peter), got himself a cup of water and then decided to jump up and down while holding it. As you can imagine, not much water stayed IN the cup. Then he repeatedly threw his pasta across the table at Simon instead of eating it.

After supper, Liam kept complaining that he was hungry so I relented and let him make some toast. I was too tired to fight anymore. 

AND while I was in the kitchen rinsing the supper dishes, Simon came in to inform me that Andrew had spilled his potty all over the family room floor. AND because I'd been busy all afternoon looking for that &*%#! cheque book, said potty hadn't been empty in, um, awhile. AND sweet little Andrew had not "spilled" his potty, he'd somehow sprayed/splashed/flicked all the lovely contents (thankfully all liquid, but still) ALL. OVER. the floor, walls, carpet, couch, end tables, nearby books and an unfortunate game of "Trouble" (thank you, I see the irony).

All while his two older brothers sat right there and did nothing.

I lost it.

I yelled at Simon for standing there right in the middle of the mess all over the floor and tracking it through the rest of the house.

I yelled at Liam for sitting on the couch and not noticing/doing nothing to stop something that clearly took several minutes to accomplish.

And I spanked Andrew.

I spanked him.

He turned two this last January and had never been spanked. To say he was shocked would not be an adequate description. He started crying and I didn't even comfort him. I just stomped out of the room to get the mop and figure out how to tackle the mess. And after mopping a path to the door I snapped at all three boys to get to their rooms and get in bed.

Now I sit here still seething about how awful the afternoon went AND feeling like the worst mother ever. I hate when my kids fight. I hate when I lose it and yell at them. I hate feeling angry and stressed and annoyed the entire afternoon/evening when we only get a few precious hours together each day. I hate that I spanked Andrew... even though he knew it was wrong, the whole situation wouldn't have happened if I hadn't been too busy/preoccupied to empty the potty and had been paying more attention to them all.

But if I can't even attend to the three of them, how on earth will I function with a fourth?! 

One of the things that's making me feel even more crummy about all this is that I'd just read the following earlier in the afternoon and found it so poignant:

Ugh.

I just want to cry reading that again.

So while I go crawl into bed with each of my boys and try to somehow salvage at least a few minutes with each of them, I'll leave you with another quote I read last week...

Courage doesn't always roar.

Sometimes courage is the quiet 

voice at the end of the day saying, 

"I will try again tomorrow."

So here's to a (hopefully) better tomorrow.

a walk and a reminder

We had such a gorgeous weekend here in Bogota. After rain, rain and more rain, we had an almost four day reprieve starting Thursday afternoon. Friday was perfect, Saturday and Sunday were wonderfully hot and sunny, and although the ground was wet when we woke Monday morning, the day was really lovely. 

When Andrew woke from his nap, the sun was steaming in the windows, so I decided to take advantage of the weather and head out for a quick walk before the school bus showed up.

A block from our place, there's a giant stone medallion. I'd never really stopped to look at it before yesterday. I couldn't read the stone plaque that accompanied it... it was half sunk into the ground and was written in either spanish or latin... which are essentially the same to me! Andrew thought it was great fun to make faces at me through the hole.

I know I should've backed up so you could see the full size of the stone. Sorry. But give me a break. I'm in my seventh month of pregnancy, was squatting down already, and didn't feel like backwards duck walking up the steep slope I was on (ie, I'm pregnant and lazy).

These next pictures were all taken down a little walkway next to an apartment complex that Andrew and I discovered a few weeks ago, on another walk. It's cool and shaded and quiet and is full of neat green plants and beautiful flowers. And at the very back of the walk, Andrew can peak through the fence to see one of the rivers that runs down the mountain into Bogota.

IS MY FACE REALLY THIS BIG?? 

Although our walk lasted less than an hour, I'm so glad we went. The neighbourhood around our place is really beautiful and there are so many areas that we haven't yet explored. Andrew loves waving to all the guards/gardeners/maids/drivers, pointing out all the dogs and motorbikes he sees, smelling flowers, jumping off curbs and over cracks, climbing on rocks and low stone walls... he takes such joy in the little things that I either don't notice, take for granted, or even consider a nuisance. 

Now that I'm feeling better, I hope to get out much more often with him for these little walks. He enjoys it so much, it's great exercise for us both (have I mentioned all the hills around our place and the fact that we're at over 9000 feet??), and I love spending that time with youngest -and last- little boy.

how do the rest of you do it??

After homeschooling for the last year and a half, Liam (7 1/2 yrs) and Simon (4 yrs) just started school here in Bogota. I have to get up around 5:45am in order to have them ready for the 6:30am bus pick up. IT. IS. KILLING. ME.

Prior to this the routine was that Peter would be up when the boys woke around 7am, he'd get their breakfast ready before leaving for work, the boys would eat around 7:30 or 8am (Liam would pour the milk if necessary), then they'd play until I rolled out of bed around 8:30am. Several times a week they'd wait until I got up and we'd make oatmeal or pancakes. All nice and relaxed! 

So waking up almost THREE HOURS earlier every day has been HARD!

Liam in his "formal" uniform (minus the tie which the shop was out of)

Sleeping in a bit was about the only thing I'd found to help with the awful morning sickness I've experience this pregnancy. Losing three hours of sleep each night means by the end of each school week I'll have lost almost TWO FULL DAYS of sleep! Having a nap in the afternoon with Andrew is great, but doesn't help with how extremely crummy and sick I feel all morning.

Do I just have to get used to this?? How do you all function when you have to get up so early? AM I GOING TO HAVE TO START DRINKING COFFEE?!

Simon in the sweatsuit that the "nursery" and "reception" kids wear

Today is day three of school and I think it's just really caught up with me. My stomach has hurt all morning, I'm so tired I can't see straight and all I've done is lie on the couch throwing random toys at Andrew (thankfully he found this hilarious) or getting the Nerf guns ready for him to shoot me at point-blank range in the face. 

Then add to this a general sort-of-down feeling about Liam and Simon being gone all day...

rolling down a hill on the playground

As I said, the bus picks them up at 6:30am and doesn't drop them off until sometime around 3:40pm... that's over nine hours! And I think about them all day long. While Andrew and I eat breakfast I wonder if they were able to find friends on the playground before school started... I wonder how their lessons are going and what they're studying... I wonder if they're actually eating anything for lunch and what they're eating... I wonder if the kids they're meeting are nice... if they're having fun... if they're happy. 

It might just be the control freak in me, but I really hate not knowing what they're doing and how their day is going.

Liam (in his P.E. uniform) and Andrew at the end of the first day 

(think someone might have missed his brothers??)

I know it's all going to take some adjustment -for them and for me- but so far I'm not loving this. They seem happy, but so tired at the end of the day. And, as I feared, I feel like we're getting "the worst" of them. Last night neither of them really liked the supper I made which lead to a battle of wills and harsh words and some tears... so that was how we spend the majority of our time together... upset, angry, glaring at each other from across the table. 

So tonight I'm making something I know everyone will eat and I'll try to have it mostly prepped before they even get home so it will only take a few minutes to throw together. Hopefully that will leave us enough time to play a few rounds of Uno together before bed and to read together before lights out.

I need to find ways to make this work. Because even if we're getting the worst of them each night, I want to make sure that they're getting the best of me. They're worth it.

a grey day

I asked earlier on Twitter and Facebook if anyone had ever actually gone crazy searching for a specific piece of Lego for hours... because I was losing my EVER LOVING MIND looking for a particular piece to finish an Atlantis set that Simon had chosen for me to build. It took me so long to build this ONE SMALL SET that Liam (Lego loving Liam) started to complain he was bored, Andrew was crying and starving for a snack, while Simon stood over me repeatedly saying, "But I thought you were building?!" To which I responded numerous times -through clenched teeth and near tears of frustration- "I'm looking for a piece."

A small, yet not seemingly difficult to find piece. One little grey piece. One little piece that, no, could not be replicated with any other combination of pieces. One grey piece in a MASS of grey pieces... all looking the same after spending over an hour digging through them. 

(Aside: We have too much grey Lego. Far too much. The disease first started when we found a bucket of old space Lego (read: most of it grey) at a garage sale. Then Liam discovered Star Wars Lego, also mostly grey. Up til now we've had all the Lego separated by colour, with the dark and light greys together. NO MORE. It's time to separate the greys. My sanity can't take digging through that drawer any more. I'm going to have nightmares about grey Legos tonight... vivid pregnancy nightmares.)

And why would I do this? Why would I waste spend the better part of a fine afternoon digging and pawing through piles of tiny Lego pieces with jaw clenched, stress rising, and almost-five-months-pregnant hips increasing protesting my position sitting on the floor? BECAUSE I LOVE MY KIDS.

And I write about it here because, well, what is this blog if not a place for me to record all the ways my kids WILL OWE ME for the sacrifices I made during their childhood?

the bigger picture

At some point today, amid all the OHMYGOSHWASTHATJUSTANEARTHQUAKE that was happening on Twitter AND INSIDE  MY HEAD, I happened to click on a link posted by Christine from Coffees and Commutes. It was to a new writing initiative called Bigger Picture Moments whose goal is to encourage everyone to take a step back and take in the life we're living. I thought, hey neat, then went back to reading all the #earthquake fun.

(And believe me for those who missed it, once the shock wore off -pun intended- people really brought on the funny. Who knew you could make so many jokes about an earthquake??)

(On a more somber note, how blessed are we that WE CAN ACTUALLY MAKE JOKES ABOUT AN EARTHQUAKE? Although an earthquake of 5.0 isn't normally catastrophic, in many, MANY areas of the world it would mean untold tragedy and suffering for thousands. We. Are. Blessed.)

The Bigger Picture Moments stuck with me though. Originally, I had no intention of participating. I already have too much already that hasn't been blogged, too many pictures not edited and uploaded, too many stories not shared. 

And then it hit me.

Sometimes I get so wrapped up in projects and ideas and everything that I want to do -and everything I have to do- that what I am doing loses its importance. And more importantly, what my kids are doing loses its importance. 

It passes me by.

While I'm editing pictures or doing laundry or refinishing furniture or organizing my bookshelves by colour, I could be playing with my boys. My precious boys. I find myself saying, "not right now" or "just let mummy finish this" or "give me a few more minutes" too often. Not always, but more often than I'd like.

I'm not saying that these other things aren't worthy pursuits. Be it cooking or cleaning or crafting or organizing or working from the home (which is what I consider my photography to be), it all has a place.  

I think it's a matter of priorities. And while my boys are undoubtedly my top priority in my heart, sometimes in the daily grind they get pushed aside. Not roughly or rudely or harshly, but they nonetheless find themselves wanting me and having to wait.

Sometimes this is a necessity. The reality is that I can't focus on my children a hundred percent of the time. I do have to cook. I do have to clean and organize. I need to have projects and creative outlets. I have paying clients and deadlines. I know that I can't simply drop everything for them whenever they want me to.

But when I am with them, I really want to be all there. 

I want to relish their childhoods. I want to savour these precious little people they are right now and the amazing little-bit-bigger people they are becoming every day. They are a blessing. They are each a little gift. A precious gift.

I don't want it all to pass me by while I'm standing over the stove, or bend over a pile of laundry, or sitting in front of the computer, or stuck behind my camera. I want my boys to know that they are my priority. Not just in word, but in deed. When they are grown and look back at their childhoods, I want the images they see to be of me reading to them, me sitting next to them playing Lego, me having lightsaber duels with them (and pretending to be knocked over by the Force, which gets old very quick for me, but they love), me baking with them and painting with them and jumping in puddles WITH THEM.

This is the big picture I hope they see.

like father, like son

Before I get to the meat of the matter, a few of the things that Liam shared that he has in common with Peter:

• we both like to burp without saying "excuse me"
• we both like getting our feet and back rubbed
• we both like cleaning our noses before bed
• we both like spaghetti and garlic bread
• we both like to take showers
• we both have blue eyes
• we both love mommy and like bringing her home special things

I love the first one.

And the last one.

Ah, seven year olds.

* * * * * * * * * * * * 

A letter to Peter, on this Father's Day, listing (some of) the ways that you bless us:

We are blessed by your incredibly strong work ethic and the way you provide for our family.
We are blessed by your fierce devotion and loyalty to our family.
We are blessed by the sacrifices you make.
We are blessed by the compromises you make.
We are blessed by the steps you take to become the best father and husband you can be.
We are blessed by the steps you take to always grow in your relationship with God.
We are blessed by the time you spend with us and the effort you put into making ordinary days fun (even if they involve more treats than mom would normally allow).
We are blessed by your supreme grilled-cheese-making skills and your mastery of egg-in-a-hole.
We are blessed to be your top priority.
We are blessed by your strength, protection and the unconditional love you show us daily.

On days like Father's Day, everywhere you look in the stores (every greeting card, every cake top, every over-priced coffee mug) and everything you read online (every Father's Day related blog post, Facebook update, or tweet) is claiming their father or their husband as "the World's BEST Dad". In a way, it seems kind of empty. Like something we say because we're supposed to.

What I do know is that you are the best, the #1, and the World's greatest dad for this family. For these boys. For Liam, Simon and Andrew. In as much as they were each a gift to us, you are a gift to them. Peter, I can't imagine how different this day would be had our lives taken a different path. The mere thought is pretty terrifying. You are a gift to our boys and you are a gift to me. And today we celebrate you.

* * * * * * * * * * *

A little slideshow of pictures from this last year... the least silly ones. I wonder that Liam can't make a nice face for the camera, but after looking back at a year of pictures of Peter, the reason is now clear. One last item that Liam and Peter have in common:

• can't seem to take a nice picture with making a face/sticking their tongues out/making a gun out of their fingers/adding jazz hands.

Like father, like son.

to clean or not to clean, that is the question

Here's a brief conversation I had with Maria from Bored Mommy on Twitter last night,

This was all mostly in jest, but it did get me thinking. While it's true that my mother-in-law is a wonderful housekeeper, and it's true that she works like a slave whenever she comes, and it's DEFINITELY true that I love the help, I still wound up cleaning all night and trying frantically to catch up on the mountains of laundry that have piled up since our last two weekends have been so busy. 

The thing is, we only see Peter's parents once a year... and that's if we're super lucky, the stars align, a multitude of other random pieces fall into place, and finances allow. See, they live in Egypt.  While the internet and technology like Skype and Vonage have helped significantly in keeping us more involved in each other's lives, the times when we're actually together -same continent, same province, SAME CITY- are few and far between.

Those times are precious.

And so, while I have a list as long as my arm of things I'd love to have help with this week while my in-laws are here (and during the three weeks in June that my mom will be here! Woohoo!), I also really want my kids to have time with their grandparents. I don't want them to remember these rare times together as being always told "Later" or "Not now" or "We have work to do". I want them to have the chance to get to know the wonderful people that raised their -clearly wonderful- parents. *wink*

I also want my in-laws and my mom to be able to get to know my kids better. There's a small part of me that is terrified that my dear children are going to morph from their normal cherubic selves into some terrible little monsters while their grandparents are here. Okay, I know my kids aren't always angels, but I am anxious that my mom and Peter's parents get to see all the best of them... how sweet and funny and clever and loving and creative and helpful they can be. 

I hope that Liam does his school work well, happily showing his grandparents how much he's learned and how much he's capable of. I'm dreading the sometimes battles we have (over math especially)... this time with an audience.

I hope Simon will be his sweet, charming, comical self and not spend every waking moment whining to play Wii.

I hope Andrew will sleep through the night. Is that too much to ask??

I guess, since we see them so seldom, I'm just anxious that it be a special time. For our parents and our boys. Peter and I love and appreciate both our parents and our kids so much, we just want them to have the time to get to know and love and appreciate each other.

So if I have time today, I'll try to get a few posts written and scheduled, but no promises.

Since no post is complete without a picture, here's a mosaic from the few days we got to spend together last June. Look at how tiny Andrew was!

Mother's Day weekend {a recap}

It was a buuuuusy weekend! But a good weekend, too. 

I spent most of Friday making marshmallow fondant, baking a cake (four actually) and making two batches of rice crispy treats (one regular and one dairy-free). I finished just in time to leave the kitchen in a total mess and head out to pick Peter up from work, after which I dropped the boys at home and rushed to photograph a maternity session. Peter fed the boys, then some good friends picked Liam up to take him to Chevaliers du Roi at our church. After the session, I was at home long enough to nurse Andrew,download my pictures (I'm always nervous that something will happen to my camera/memory card before I get a chance to transfer the images to my computer!) and thank Peter for cleaning up after me, before driving out the the church to pick up Liam and his friend, Mattias.

The next morning, we had to drive Peter in to Ottawa to help a friend move apartments. While he was gone, I finished the cake I was decorating for the birthday of a very special four year old girl that was to take place later that afternoon. The boys were completely engrossed in Discovery Channel amazingly well-behaved, giving me the time needed to finish all of the final touches to the birthday cake (more on that later... it deserves its own post!). Just before 1 o'clock, we headed out to pick up daddy, dropped him and the baby off at home (where he once again cleaned the disaster I'd left in the kitchen), then Liam and Simon and I headed to our friends' house.

After three hours of AllPrincessesAllTheTime, we headed home just in time for Peter to grab the keys and jump in the van to head out in search of the necessary groceries for the Mother's Day meal he'd planned for the next day. That night, pictures were edited, hockey was watched, and much-needed sleep was mostly enjoyed by all.

Sunday morning -Mother's Day- Simon and Liam quietly snuck into our room to wake Peter up. The amazing thing is that I didn't even stir. Normally, one of them can sneeze, into a pillow, behind two closed doors and under the sound of two fans running, AND I'LL STILL HEAR IT. But due to the fact that a) they were actually quiet, and b) I was dead exhausted, I slept right through it. When Andrew woke me I woke some time later, I sent him toddling out of the room... and went back to bed. A COMPLETELY SELFLESS ACT since I figured something must be up and didn't want to ruin it for the boys.

Not long after they came bounding into the room, singing Happy Mother's Day to the tune of Happy Birthday, waving hand-drawn cards and bearing breakfast in bed. I even managed to eat my breakfast without spilling any food on me, despite the three kids jumping on the bed.

After church -were I received five gerbera daisies and some cookies decorated just for me- we packed the kids into the van with the intention of heading home for lunch.

Instead, we found ourselves at McDonald's.

On Mother's Day.

I can hear Peter protesting even as I type this, so I'll quickly continue the story...

Several weeks ago, there'd been some talk on Twitter about Ottawa area flea markets and ever since, I'd been wanting to go check some out. The problem is that most are only open on Sundays which left me with two options: 1) go by myself, leaving the kids at home... which Peter may not like, or 2) drag everyone along with me... which Peter may not like.

Enter Mother's Day.

A DAY ALL ABOUT ME.

So on our drive home from church I had the AWESOME IDEA (right Peter? right??) to use my it's-my-special-day card and suggest that what I'd like to do -on this my special day- was to head out to some flea markets. But last minute ideas like that don't leave much room for preparedness.

Thus we found ourselves with five hungry stomach and a 45 minute drive ahead of us. And so we found ourselves at McDonald's.

But it was worth it.

We got a cool, retro pink Pyrex butter dish, a Bobbey Twins book for me to read with Liam, some wooden buttons that I need to finish a project, and several Lego base plates like this vintage space one and some similar to these below, and a much needed wheelbarrow.

I think we paid $6.50 for four base plates, 2 of which are really raised/3D. Pretty cool and well worth the trip, according to the boys.

When we got home and unloaded our bounty, I played Wii with the boys while Peter made supper. And what a supper it was! Tortellini with grilled chicken and veggies in a roasted red pepper alfredo sauce, greek salad, garlic bread and wine. Yum.

As soon as I was done eating, I packed up and headed to my second maternity session of the weekend, returning to find a (once again) clean kitchen, boys in bed, and a tired Peter watching hockey in the basement. We finished the night with a bowl of ice cream and a movie.

A girly movie.

Cause it was my special day.

To sum it all up, I was spoiled, got my way all day long, and felt very special and very loved. A big thank you to my awesome husband and my sweet little boys... the reasons I get to celebrate Mother's Day.

* * * * * * * * * *

I'd be remiss to blog about Mother's Day without mentioned my own amazing mom and mother-in-law... but this post is already long and, since they'll both be here in the next few weeks, I promise to tell you all how wonderful they are then! Love you both!

I'm a sellout

Those of you who were readers this time last year will remember how excited Peter and I were to finally pay off our line of credit. We paid off $13,000 (thousand!!) in less than five months. That was no small feat and it definitely didn't come without major sacrifice.

The crazy thing was that we didn't really have anything to show for that debt. It's not like we'd been on vacations or had a house full of clothes and toys and electronics. It was debt that had slowly grown over the course of a few moves and times when I wasn't working, unexpected costs associated with buying our first house, etc. We're not big spenders. We never had been. Thirteen thousand dollars worth of debt notwithstanding, we're really very careful with our money. 

We're practical.

We haven't taken a family vacation in the last eight years (so none since even before we had kids), we buy used or second hand when possible, we never just "go shopping". When we get money for Christmas or birthdays, we have to fight against the urge to just put it in the bank. When we get our tax return or other lump sums of money, we always do the sensible thing.

The problem is that "the sensible thing" is never much fun...

This years tax return will once again be spent wisely (savings, extra van payments, our portion of my dad's funeral marker), used sensibly (some needed home renos), or put towards otherwise worthy causes (donated to charity, a new World Vision sponsor child -our fourth!!). But... BUT... Peter will once again be getting some retro pay for something-or-other, and he has decreed it fun -or blow- money. NOT A PENNY OF WHICH IS TO BE SPENT SENSIBLY!

So last weekend we bought two wine kits that we've started*, the first of which should be ready in about three weeks. 

We also decided to buy the boys brand new bikes**. 

Anther idea we had was to start a list of fun family things we can do this summer in the Ottawa area that we'll set money aside for. Things we wouldn't normally do, or wouldn't do as often. BECAUSE WE'RE SENSIBLE WITH OUR MONEY. Things like bowling (which the boys LOVE), Upper Canada Village, the Diefenbunker, maybe Park Omega again (last year's trip is here and here), taking the boys to Toy Story 3 in 3D, possibly renting paddle boats on Lansdowne Lake. We'll put all the ideas in a jar, then pick one whenever we have a free day together, knowing we have the money to do anything (and everything) in the jar. I'm super excited about this idea and can't wait to have a ton of fun with the boys this summer. Not everything in the jar will have a price tag, but there will be some activities that we just wouldn't normally be able to justify. So, Ottawa peeps, fire your best ideas at me!

More to the point of this post, however, is that some of that blow money has been ear-marked for a purchase that was previously considered absolutely UN-necessary, ILL-advised, and pretty much the antithesis of frugality and sensible money management... a Nintendo Wii (had to throw the "Nintendo" in there just incase you've been living under a rock and didn't know what a plain "Wii" was *rolls eyes at self*).

Liam has, for the last year, been bearing the full brunt of the unfairness of the fact that WE DO NOT OWN A GAME SYSTEM. Even though ALL OF HIS FRIENDS OWN A GAME SYSTEM. And, in his mind, every (other) living being on the planet MUST OWN A GAME SYSTEM. His insistence that we, too, must own a game system was enough to make me swear one would never enter our home. That sense of entitlement is one of the very reasons that we hope to move our family to Africa in the next few years... to shock it out of them! And yet last night I found myself frantically calling all the Best Buys and Future Shops in a 50km radius in a desperate attempt to track down a store that has them in stock so I can buy one in time for Easter.

Let me assure you that it was not Liam's heavy pout that finally broke us down. Rather, Peter and Liam (and Simon to a lesser degree) have started playing a couple of computer games together -only on the weekends- and they really enjoy it. I will keep claiming that I don't know how to play for as long as possible, which not only gets me out of ever having to play, but also ensure that it's a special father-son activity. Truth be told, Peter's been drooling over a Wii since they came out and is secretly giddy that I've finally relented on my strict no-game-system attitude (no, my iMac doesn't count thankyouverymuch), cause, you know... it's for the kids.

So there you have it. We're getting a Wii. Four words I swore I'd never write/say. (sigh)

Don't be silly enough to think that we're just going to hand it over though. No siree. Even though we'd already made the decision to buy a Wii, we told Liam that we would get one once he learned how to ride a two-wheeler. Not in a negative-consequence-for-if-you-don't-let-go-of-your-training-wheels kind of way, but as a reward/encouragement/motivator for learned to ride on two wheels. This might seem shocking to some of you who don't parent by way of rewards, but you have to understand that Liam only got a bike near the end of last summer and, up until now, has been very, VERY nervous about even riding up and down our driveway. He lacked confidence, feared falling (ie, failing... what can I say? he's MY SON), and had zero motivation to learn to ride. Even WITH training wheels.

So about a week and a half ago, we sat him down and explained that we knew that riding his bike made him nervous and that he wasn't very excited about practicing. We also explained that, with summer coming, all of his friends would be wanting to ride bikes and we knew he wouldn't want to be left behind. We told him that we knew he'd love it once he figured out how to ride a two-wheeler. We told him we knew he'd do great if he'd just commit to practicing every day. And we told him that, once he'd mastered riding on two wheels, we'd celebrate his effort and determination... by buying a Wii.

Folks, 10 days out and he can speed up, ride, right himself, slow down, and stop. He needs to practice starting and turning, but a few more days and he'll be golden. Ergo my frantic calls to track down an available Wii.

Our plan is to have a scavenger hunt in place of/in addition to an easter egg hunt with the Wii as the treasure.

Liam doesn't know that we were going to buy the Wii regardless. 

I guess he'll find out when he reads this post! *hi grown up Liam*

*Okay, that's a bit sensible since we'll be paying less than $5/bottle for the exact same wine that would cost $28/bottle at the wine store, but this is not something we would have been able to fit into the budget and, hey, it's wine! wine + summer = sangria 'round these parts! yummo!)

**Okay, we initially had decided to get the boys brand new bikes, but then I googled "ottawa used bikes" and found myself dragging the boys down to Bike Dump and spending $30 for a bike for each of the boys... but cmon! Thirty bucks! For two bikes! (*hangs head* I'm such a tightwad) 

P.S. A post without pictures! *shock*

the one in which history repeats itself

Overheard yesterday afternoon...

Simon: (wailing-WAILING!- as he walked up the stairs from the basement) "Mommyyyyyyyy! Liam killed all my guuuuuuuuyyyyys!"

Liam: (unabashedly) "Well, Simon, you said you wanted to play with me..."

The reason this was so funny is that when Peter was young, he and his older brother, Tim, would spend half the day picking out "teams" for their GI Joe adventures... only to have it end in tears when Tim -older and more highly skilled in GI Joe warfare- would capture or kill all of Peter's favourite guys. I'm sure that the scene I witnesses yesterday was played out a hundred times in Peter's parents' home when he was growing up.

And I'm sure it'll be played out another hundred times in ours.

how would you handle this?

The following exchange happens hourly at our house. Several times hourly, in fact.

Simon: Mummy?

Me: Yes?

Simon: Mummy?

Me: What?

Simon: Mummy?

Me: What??

Simon: Mummy?

Me: WHAT!?

Simon: Mummy?

Me: WHAT!!!

That last one is me SCREAMING at him. I just can't take it. If I don't respond with a "yes" or a "what", he just yells, "Mummymummymummy..." and starts crying that "you're not lidining (listeninging) to meeeeeeeeee!" or "but you're not andwering (answering) meeeeeeee!".

But when I DO respond, HE doesn't listen. It drives me to distraction and makes Peter seriously crazy. If it happened once or twice or even a few times a day, that would be one thing. But it's EVERY TIME HE OPENS HIS MOUTH to say/ask/demand/tell me anything. ANYTHING.

Do you think it could be his hearing?? He has his yearly check up next Thursday and I'll definitely be mentioning it, but I'm at a loss as to what to do until then. Every time I yell or scream at him, I regret it immediately afterwards, but it's often the only thing that will stop the cycle.

Any other ideas??

ETA: Thanks for all who replied here, by emails and on Twitter. Definitely some of the time it's because I have been ignoring him or am preoccupied with someone/something else. Some of the times I'm not looking at him when I respond. But in the case above that happened right before I wrote the post. I was standing not five feet away from him, starring RIGHT AT HIM. That's why it's so maddening!

Another conversation we had later today went like this:

Simon: Mummy, we are hungry.

Me (standing at the counter): Okay sweetheart, I'm making your lunch right now.

Simon: Mummy! WE. ARE. HUNGRY!

Me: Simon. I said I'm making lunch right now.

Simon: Mummy! You are not answering me!

Me (turning to him and putting my nose inches from his) : Simon! I just answered you TWO TIMES and told you I'm making your lunch RIGHT NOW. I did answer you. You're not listening to mummy.

Simon: Oh. I didn't hear you.

He says he didn't hear us quite often, which is why I wonder if he actually has a problem with his hearing. However, it might very well be that he's just making excuses. I haven't ruled either option out yet.

my thoughts on the crib recall

As you may have heard, this week there was a massive crib recall  in both Canada and the US. The recall concerns 2.1 million Storkcraft drop-side cribs. That's A LOT OF CRIBS. This picture (taken from the CBC web site) shows the potential hazard:

I have two problems with this.

First off, why is the railing installed upside down in the first place?? Shouldn't that be considered user error? Would someone actually bend all the way down to raise and lower the side?

Secondly, I can't see how one of those side rails would given way under the weight of a baby simply rolling into it or leaning on it. In my mind, for this to happen, it would likely take a toddler. Likely a jumping/pushing/pulling/kicking toddler. And not likely a toddler who is jumping/pushing/pulling/kicking QUIETLY. And once said child did manage to get themselves stuck like this, I can't imagine them being QUIET about being in that position.

Do you see where I'm going with this? I almost hate to say it because I would hate to add any pain or guilt onto parents who are already suffering one of the absolute worst experiences a person can go through (remember, I know what it's like to lose a child), but if they'd checked on their baby when they were jumping/pushing/pulling/kicking and likely yelling or screaming, would they have prevented harm to their child? Why does our society insist that it's okay to let a baby cry?

There's no way to know all of the circumstances surrounding the reported deaths. I  know I'm jumping to some conclusions. But even without knowing the specifics, I know that many parents out there will put their babies to sleep in their crib, on their own, alone in their room. We're told it's normal and even necessary for babies (even very young infants) to sleep in their crib, on their own, in their own room. We force independent sleep on our babies straight from birth in many cases. We're told we need to "train" our babies to sleep on their own. This sleep training almost always involves crying. In their cribs, on their own, alone in their room.

Why is it that North American society is so insistent on this? Parents in almost all other societies and cultures share rooms with their babies IF NOT BEDS. The Canadian Government's Health Canada even went so far as to opt against a crib recall because of fears it would lead to co-sleeping.

You know, I haven't even bothered to check our crib make and model., although I bet it's one of the defective ones. I'll tell you why. Andrew's crib is in our room, two feet from my pillow. Even if our crib is effected by the recall, I do not feel that Andrew is at risk. I wake up when he coughs.  When he sighs. There is NO WAY he'd be able to hurt himself without me knowing. For naps, I go to him within minutes of him waking. He doesn't even have time to stand up, let alone shake the bars hard enough to break them loose. He is not left alone in his crib while I do housework/cook/clean/watch TV/check email. He's not left alone in his crib to cry it out in the hope of training him to be a better sleeper (and for the record, he's a pretty awful sleeper).

I just don't see how the above pictured scenario could occur without there being noise involved. Noise that the parents didn't check on, for whatever reason. When the noise stopped, I imagine they assumed their child had gone to sleep. And when they went to rouse their sleeping baby... they found every parents' worst nightmare.

I hope that this is not coming across as uncaring or unfeeling towards those parents who lost children. Although Nathaniel's death was not a tragic accident, it was still tragic. Although I know the pain those parents are feeling, I can't imagine the guilt of knowing that their child's death could have been preventable.

I think we, as a society, need to re-examine how we use cribs and why we use them. I just don't think that different cribs are the answer.

 I wanted to add this comment that Julie from Coffee with Julie left:

Hi Amy -

Just as FYI, all four deaths involved young babies (6 mo, 7 mo, 7 mo, and 9 mo), not toddlers.

My understanding is that the deaths had no resemblance whatsoever to this image, so I can't understand why it is the most pervasive image being shown. I understand that there was a space between the crib mattress and the crib side bar (i.e. the mattress and bar did not make a tight perpendicular line) and baby slipped into this crack between the two and suffocated. With this kind of scenario, it is easy to imagine a young baby (already asleep, not necessarily crying) slipping into the space and simply not waking up despite lack of air/face pushed against mattress.

The image does show user error -- installed upside down -- and the product is being cited, among other things, as too complicated to install/put together. I don't think this image is the most helpful, it's just the most shocking I suppose, so it gets used.

Julie

The picture is totally misleading then! The media really drives me crazy. The doll used in the picture above would compare to at least a 12-18 month old, I'd guess, and I have no idea why they'd show the drop-side rail installed upside down if this wasn't the issue in any of the cases. Do you know whether the mattresses in the cases where an infant died were the right size? There's no way even a tiny baby could roll or push its way in between our side bar and the mattress without the side completely breaking free.

And in response to Cath in Ottawa's comment (thank you for your heartfelt comment, Cath), to be honest, I was a bit uncomfortable writting this post, so I know where you're coming from. And maybe I didn't express myself well. The last thing I would want to do is heap guilt onto an already grief-striken parent. I do take issue with a society that insists that it's okay and normal -and even necessary- for a baby to cry itself to sleep. If parents were taught and encouraged to respond to their baby's cries, perhaps some of these awful, tragic deaths may have been avoided.

my thoughts on H1N1 and fear

While I often take what Dr Mercola  has to say with a (often large) grain of salt -I can't stand how every one of his articles ends in a sales pitch- I do think this info is worth passing on. Seeing as many of my friends and all of my family read this blog (at least, they'd better!) I thought this an efficient way to pass on the info. And while I often joke that I wouldn't get near an H1N1 vaccine with a 10 foot pole, I want to say off the top here that I don't think that this Swine Flu -or those who've been extremely sick and/or died from it- are the least bit funny. However, so much about the vaccine, its production, marketing, etc, scare me.

P.S. Hopefully I'm not alienating any of my readers by posting this. I'm a big believer in having ALL the info in order to make an informed decision. If you decide to get vaccinated, we can still be friends. ;)

Check out this video on You Tube.
By Dr Joseph Mercola, MD

This year it is more important that you protect your children and loved ones from the flu vaccines than influenza itself. In his article published on LewRockwell.com, Bill Sardi details 18 reasons why you should not vaccinate your children against the flu this season. Here are nine of them:

• The swine flu is simply another flu. It is not unusually deadly.
• This is the first time both seasonal and pandemic flu vaccines will be administered. Both seasonal flu and swine flu vaccines will require two inoculations. This is because single inoculations have failed to produce sufficient antibodies. This is an admission that prior flu vaccines were virtually useless. Can you trust them this time?
• Adjuvants are added to vaccines to boost production of antibodies but may trigger autoimmune reactions. Some adjuvants are mercury (thimerosal), aluminum and squalene. Why would you sign a consent form for your children to be injected with mercury, which is even more brain-toxic than lead?
• This is the first year mock vaccines have been used to gain FDA approval. The vaccines that have been tested are not the same vaccines your children will be given.
• Over-vaccination is a common practice now in America. American children are subjected to 29 vaccines by the age of two. Meanwhile, veterinarians have backed off of repeat vaccination in dogs because of observed side effects.
• Modern medicine has no explanation for autism, despite its continued rise in prevalence. Yet autism is not reported among Amish children who go unvaccinated.
• Researchers are warning that over-use of the flu vaccine and anti-flu drugs like Tamiflu and Relenza can apply genetic pressure on flu viruses and then they are more likely to mutate into a more deadly strain.
• Most seasonal influenza A (H1N1) virus strains tested from the United States and other countries are now resistant to Tamiflu (oseltamivir). Tamiflu has become a nearly worthless drug against seasonal flu.
• Public health officials are irresponsible in their omission of any ways to strengthen immunity against the flu. No options outside of problematic vaccines and anti-flu drugs are offered, despite the fact there is strong evidence that vitamins C and D activate the immune system and the trace mineral selenium prevents the worst form of the disease.

How to Protect Yourself without Drugs and Vaccinations

There will always be threats of flu pandemics, real or created, and potentially toxic vaccines will continue to be peddled as the solution until enough people realize there’s a better, safer, saner way.

You can break free of the drug-solution trap right now by following these natural health principles. I have not caught a flu in over two decades, and you can avoid it too, without getting vaccinated, by following these simple guidelines, which will keep your immune system in optimal working order so that you’re far less likely to acquire the infection to begin with.

Optimize your vitamin D levels
As I’ve previously reported, optimizing your vitamin D levels is one of the absolute best strategies for avoiding infections of ALL kinds, and vitamin D deficiency is likely the TRUE culprit behind the seasonality of the flu — not the flu virus itself.

This is probably the single most important and least expensive action you can take.

If you are coming down with flu like symptoms and have not been on vitamin D you can take doses of 50,000 units a day for three days to treat the acute infection. Some researchers like Dr. Cannell, believe the dose could even be as high as 1,000 units per pound of body weight for three days.

Avoid sugar and processed foods
Sugar decreases the function of your immune system almost immediately, and as you likely know, a strong immune system is key to fighting off viruses and other illness. Be aware that sugar is present in foods you may not suspect, like ketchup and fruit juice.

Get enough rest
Just like it becomes harder for you to get your daily tasks done if you’re tired, if our body is overly fatigued it will be harder for it to fight the flu. 

Have effective tools to address your stress
We all face some stress every day, but if stress becomes overwhelming then your body will be less able to fight off the flu and other illness. If you feel that stress is taking a toll on your health, consider using an energy psychology tool such as Meridian Tapping Techniques, which is remarkably effective in relieving stress associated with all kinds of events, from work to family to trauma.

Exercise
When you exercise, you increase your circulation and your blood flow throughout your body. The components of your immune system are also better circulated, which means your immune system has a better chance of finding an illness before it spreads. You can review my exercise guidelines for some great tips on how to get started.

Take a good source of omega-3 fats like krill oil
Increase your intake of healthy and essential fats like the omega-3 found in krill oil, which is crucial for maintaining health. It is also vitally important to avoid damaged omega-6 oils like trans fats found in most processed foods, as it will seriously damage your immune response.

Wash your hands
Washing your hands will decrease your likelihood of spreading a virus to your nose, mouth or other people. Be sure you don’t use antibacterial soap for this — antibacterial soaps are completely unnecessary, and they cause far more harm than good. Instead, identify a simple chemical-free soap that you can switch your family to.

Eat garlic regularly
Garlic works like a broad-spectrum antibiotic against bacteria, virus, and protozoa in the body. And unlike with antibiotics, no resistance can be built up so it is an absolutely safe product to use. However, if you are allergic or don’t enjoy garlic it would be best to avoid as it will likely cause more harm than good.

Avoid hospitals and vaccines
In this particular case, I’d also recommend you stay away from hospitals unless you’re having an emergency, as hospitals are prime breeding grounds for infections of all kinds, and could be one of the likeliest places you could be exposed to flu bugs of all kinds.

As a side note, please beware that 21 different pediatric Tylenol products have been recently recalled due to the possibility of bacterial contamination. So, if your child comes down with cold or flu symptoms, make sure you do not give him or her a potentially contaminated product.

Better yet, help your child recover using more traditional cold and flu remedies, such as, hydrogen peroxide solution in the ear, zinc lozenges, high quality raw honey, or a homemade cough syrup.

Source: www.mercola.com

I really dislike all of the hype surrounding this issue. From both camps. Both sides misrepresent the facts. Both sides misrepresent the risk. Both sides skew the statistics, and both sides resort to fear mongering. 

We're afraid of getting vaccinated. We're afraid of NOT getting vaccinated. And we're mostly all afraid of getting swine flu.

At the risk of over-simplifying the issue (and at the risk of sounding preachy), I'm going to quote a verse from the best-selling book of all time. You know the one.

"For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." 

- 2 Timothy 1:7

A sound mind.

Other versions translate it as "good judgment", "self-discipline", "self-control", or "wise discretion".

So for now, my family will be washing our hands constantly often, limiting our intake of sugar (hahahaha... riiiiight. Anyone else wonder that flu outbreaks spike around HALLOWEEN, THANKSGIVING AND CHRISTMAS?? Shouldn't be surprise. *cough* chocolate *cough*), and popping the vitamin D like candy (thanks to a recent 50% sale of Jameson's vitamins for their something-or-other anniversary).

I find the link between vit D deficiency and flu and the overall health of our immune system very interesting. Some really compelling stuff. That, however, is another post altogether.

one starry night

The Perseids meteor shower was slated to peak this last Tuesday, August 11th, 2009. I originally heard about the meteor shower on Twitter earlier in the day (thanks, Twitter) and thought it might be something that Liam would enjoy. I mentioned it to him and was immediately greeted with "YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! YEAH!".

Then I went online and found out it wasn't supposed to really peak until after midnight.

Oops.

I broke the news to him and was greeted with predictable moaning and gnashing of teeth. Even though I could feel Peter's eyes boring holes into the back of my head and could already hear his thoughts on me waking our six year old at midnight, I promised Liam that I would wake him up when it was time.

Before heading to bed around 11pm, however, I stepped outside onto our little front porch, looked up and saw... clouds. There would be no meteor shower for us.

Or so I thought.

Andrew woke to nurse as usual sometime after 1am. Being the amazing mom that I am (*snort*), I decided to drag myself out of bed and take another look outside. Although there was now a clear sky, the lights of the city (even a smallish city like Gatineau) drowned out any chance of seeing the meteors. I thought about just going back to bed, but instead snuck into the boys room and quietly roused Liam from his sleep.

He didn't wake up right away, but when he did, the first words out of his mouth were an excitedly whispered, "Is it time?"

Even though it was a lovely night, I grabbed a light blanket and wrapped him in it. We tiptoed down the hall to the front door -a door that squeaks loudly during the day but is absolutely deafening at night- and went to sit on the front steps.

Liam blinked the sleep from his eyes as he squinted at the light from a nearby streetlamp. I knew that he wouldn't see anything, but instructed him look up at the moon and stars that were visible. We sat huddled together on the steps, wrapped in a blanket, talking softly and looking at the stars for probably only fifteen minutes.

We didn't see a single meteor.

Neither of us cared.

bits and bites

Tasty little morsels too small for their own blog post, but too good to forget...

* * * * * * * * * *

We were discussing getting a dog while having supper around the table. We were explaining to Liam that a dog would need to be walked EVERY DAY, even when it's hot, even when it's raining, even when it's cold and snowy.

He paused then asked, "Do dogs sleep all winter?"

Me - "Do you mean hibernate?"
Liam - "Yeah. Do dogs hibernate?"
Me - "No, they don't."
Liam - "Too bad."

* * * * * * * * * *

Although I'm slightly scare of tempting a backlash by the Universe, I'm going to risk it and hesitantly, hopefully state that Simon is...

Ready for it? Should I really be doing this?

...Simon is potty trained. There! I said it! It's out there and I can't take it back. Although he still wears a diaper at night, he's only had one accident in the last ten days. We don't even have to remind him anymore. He just goes on his own, sometimes telling us first, sometimes not.

Our recipe for success?

A 2.5lb bag of Swedish Berries.

One berry for pees, two for poops. Yeah, we're those parents. Some might call it bribery, I prefer to think of it as "positive reinforcement". The other thing that helped with motivation, was that each time Simon earned a treat, Liam earned one too. Guess who Simon's biggest encourager was? Guess who clapped and cheered the loudest when Simon has success? Can you guess? If you guessed his six year old, treat-loving older brother, you'd be right.

Cost of potty-training one 2 1/2 year old? $8.99 at Costco.

I'm actually pretty proud of myself.

(Except that I'm sure I've eaten about a pound of them myself. I have NO self-control.)

* * * * * * * * * *

I posted this video a few weeks ago, showing Andrew crawling at 6 1/2 months. I haven't mentioned yet that, a few days later, he started pulling himself up to standing... at the couch, at his excersaucer, on our legs, in his crib, even using only the knob on our cabinet doors.

Unfortunately, while able, he is definitely not stable. He falls often, usually hitting his chin on the way down or his head on the floor. He also has four teeth, so has had no fewer than six bloody lips in the last two weeks.

Given the bloody, swollen lips and the bumps and bruises on his head, we don't look like the greatest parents. Problem is, there's just no stopping him.

WE. ARE. IN. TROUBLE.

* * * * * * * * * *

After three brutal, tear-filled, sleep-less nights, I've decided to try cutting dairy out of my diet for Andrew's sake. Ugh, I hate this part of breastfeeding... the worry that things I'm eating might potentially be hurting my baby. He's over seven months, so some would say to just wean him, but I really do LOVE nursing my babies. A sacrifice on my part is worth it to be able to keep breastfeeding... even if that sacrifice means no milk, ice cream, cheese, ice cream, yogurt, ice cream, milk chocolate (I'll still let myself have a bit of the 75%+ dark stuff)... ice cream.

I really shouldn't lament the ice cream too much (I'm being dramatic) since I made some D.E.L.I.C.I.O.U.S. ice cream on the weekend out of coconut milk, honey, eggs, real vanilla bean and raspberries. I'll take pics next time I make it so I can share the recipe.

* * * * * * * * * *

I really have to do better about making a meal plan and shopping with some control a grocery list. After being SO focused on paying off our debt and SO determined to save every possible penny, we've gotten a bit lacks with our budget. Actually, I think it would be more appropriate to say that there's been a bit of a budgetary hemorrhage.

Once you starts, it can be hard to stop spending.

It's not like we've been out shopping and buying whatever tickles our fancy, but with my birthday, a few dinners out, grocery shopping without a clear plan and a list, needing to buy some work clothes for Peter, etc, it has DEFINITELY ADDED UP.

We really need to recommit to spending carefully, saving, and being good stewards of what we have.

(Especially if we decide to get a dog.)

Maybe I'll start by making a meal plan today.