day 1 complete

Day 1 of the Shred is complete.

It was hard.

Immediately following, I came upstairs -stairs that were suddenly much longer than before- for a glass of water. I shakily poured water into a glass that my tired arms then had a hard time even lifting to my lips. I carried -the suddenly much heavier feeling- Andrew to the bathroom to run a shower, and when I was forced to do a semi-squat in the tub to grab the soap, my legs almost gave out all together.

That all being said, I still feel great.

My body feels LIKE MUSH, but my heart is proud and my head is excited about actually doing something to change how I look and feel about myself.

Unfortunately, I'm not one of those women whose self-esteem is not at all tied into their physical appearance. I would never go so far as to say that my confidence is wrapped up in how I look, but I don't like feeling awkward and embarrassed in my own skin. I'm sure that most people would say that I "look fine", or to that I "should give myself a break", or remind me that I "just had a baby". Yeah, almost six months ago!

I am in awe of women who can look at their stretched and scarred skin and lovingly see it all as a badge of honour. Marks of motherhood. While I do love what these stretch marks and extra skin have brought me, and I do strive to love myself for who and what I am, I also feel that fitness and health are important. And in my current state I don't feel fit and I don't feel healthy. I don't feel confident in how I look, and I don't feel at all attractive - and no amount of arguing on Peter's part has been able to change that.

I'm not striving for anything drastic. I simply want to be able to fit into the closet full of clothes that I currently own. I want to be able to use my own belts and not Peter's. I want to be able to take my kids swimming and actually enjoy myself and not spend the whole time feeling awful and uncomfortable.

In addition to doing the Shred, I'm going to start being more conscious about what I'm eating. We eat pretty healthily around here, but I know I can do better. I'm a serious chocolate junky. And I love ice cream. And cookies. And chips.

And I have ZERO self-control.

I can't just say I'll have one cookie or one bite of chocolate. If it's in the house, I'll eat it. If I make cookies, I eat half a dozen a day (cause I make goooood cookies). If we open a bag of chips, I'll eat them until they're gone.

Here's my battle plan:
- 30-Day Shred FOR 30 DAYS (I was going to do it a few days a week, but have decided it's got to be all or nothing. I can't give myself permission to take it easy or all totally slack off. I know this.)
- no eating after 8pm (this is going to be haaard, since Peter and I often have ice cream at night for a snack)
- fill the house with healthy snacks: soaked/roasted nuts, soaked granola w/ nuts and seeds, dried (unsulphered) fruit, fresh veggies w/ hummus, pitas w/ lactofermented salsa, baked kale (which I'm munching on right now)
- try to go for walks as a family several nights a week, especially once Liam is finished school for the summer and doesn't have such a rigid bedtime
- drink less juice (a big one for me as I could easily drink 2L of OJ every day. I lovez it.)

I know that I promised mentioned the possibility of pictures, but I don't think I can do it. Not yet. Maybe in a few months when I have an "After" shot to compare it to, but not now. I'm not brave enough.

But I will post my equally embarrassing measurements:
- mid thigh (about where my fingers hit when my arms are to my sides): 21"
- upper thigh: 25"
- hips (widest part): 41.5"
- waist (at bellybutton): 35"
- ribs (right under bra): 31"
- bicep: will get back to you when I can actually raise my arms to measure
- bust: as a nursing mother, there's no point measuring this

A few things to note for those of you thinking about this excersice DVD:
- Follow Anita. Those who already Shread, already know what I mean. Those who don't will find out within about 30 seconds.
- Do any neccessary house work BEFORE working out. This includes anything that might require you to sit, stand, walk, bend or breathe.
- Invest in a quality sports bra. Given the choice between the two sad, sad sports bras I was able to dig out from the bottom of my underwear drawer, I opted to wear BOTH. The were no match for having nursed three babies, gravity and/or jumping jacks.

P.S. I'll still eat chocolate, but it'll be the 80%+ cocoa kind. Donations accepted.