a decade in review (with pics!)

Thanks to Adorkable Thespian, by way of Lynn from Turtlehead, for the idea for this post... a decade in review.

2000: Visited my dad daily in the hospital as he recovered from his liver transplant. GOT MARRIED, celebrated my younger sister's graduation from high school, my older sister's wedding and Peter's older brother's wedding (all in one summer!). Moved out of my parents' house for the first time when Peter and I got our first apartment. Was SO SICK over Christmas that we had two bites of Christmas dinner, dragged ourselves to our car, drove home, and threw up in the parking lot before crawling into our place and collapsing in our beds.

2001: Began planning our trip to Europe and South America. Contemplated putting everything on hold, packing up, and moving to El Salvador to assist in earthquake relief with Samaritans' Purse (it didn't work out). Was forced to quit my job with a Saskatchewan Crown Corporation since they wouldn't allow me a temporary leave for our trip. Left for our trip at the end of August, then returned home two weeks later to bury our sweet nephew, Lachlan. We returned to finish our trip, then spent Christmas and New Years in Ecuador.

2002: Returned home to Regina. Watched round-the-clock winter Olympics coverage while looking for a new job. Was unsuccessful for three months before taking a call center job. Traveled to California for Peter's brother's graduation. Lived through one of the darkest periods of my life (career-wise, but also personally, emotionally and spiritually) that I have yet to write about here and am not sure I ever will. Joyously welcomed my nephew, Xavier. Found out I was pregnant with Liam. Almost separated from Peter. Lost some friends and found out who my real friends were. Welcomed the new year while facing a very uncertain future.

2003: Celebrated my grandmother's 90th birthday. Moved to Calgary. Attended counseling regularly. Had a baby(!) and experienced a whole new, amazing kind of love for this new little person. Enjoyed my in-laws living nearby for most of the year. Became an auntie again with the birth of Tobiah.

December 2003

2004: Said goodbye to my in-laws when they moved to Egypt. Moved from our condo to a rental home so I could open a dayhome (to avoid going back to work and having to put Liam in daycare). Decided that three year olds were much more work than one year olds. Turned twenty-five! Joined an amazing women's group at our church. Started my first aquarium. Got my first digital camera.

June 2004

2005: Found out I was pregnant again. Closed my dayhome to return to work (so I could be eligible for maternity leave). Returned to California for Peter's sister's graduation. Found out that our baby was sick and would likely die before birth. Welcomed my nephew, Rowan, to the family. Gave birth to our son, Nathaniel, surrounded by our families, and said goodbye to him two hours later (his video). Began my journey of living with the grief of having lost a child, and was so, so blessed by our family and friends along the way.

September 2005 (sorry about the quality)

2006: Got a tattoo. Found out I was pregnant. Went on some amazing camping trips in the Rocky Mountains and South West Saskatchewan. Loved my gardens. Welcomed (another!) nephew when Asher was born. My younger sister, Lynette, moved in with us for a bit eighteen months. Attended the amazingly beautiful wedding of Peter's sister, Sara, in Vernon, BC. Gave birth to bouncing baby Simon. Got my first babywearing wrap.

             July 2006                                                           October 2006

2007: Began to explore all things natural when Simon's allergies became apparent. Stopped using shampoo and conditioner (eek! now the whole world knows!). Peter wrote the Canadian Foreign Service exams. Babywearing frenzy reached its height. I got a pixie cut and loved it. Got my ears pierced. Did some more camping. Drove to Montana in a 30' RV with my whole family. And survived. Sent Peter off to Sudan for two weeks to set up a water filtration project. Peter was offered a job with the Foreign Service on Christmas Eve. Was given my first DSLR. My dad was hospitalized with pneumonia.

                                      January 2007                                                June 2007

2008:  My dad's hospitalization for pneumonia lead to a black out, CT scan and two  subsequent brain surgeries. Found out I was pregnant again, but was told I was losing the baby. A whirlwind move to Ottawa where we lived in a hotel for five weeks. Traveled to MN for Peter's brother's wedding to the sweet and lovely Kristi. Started blogging (once every three months or so). Bought our first home in Gatineau, QC (across the river from Ottawa). Liam started kindergarten at a French school. Found an AMAZING church where we met AMAZING friends. Bought a minivan. Flew back to Regina twice to be with my dad who had continued to decline due to complications from his brain surgeries and months of being over-medicated, that lead to other major surgeries and, ultimately, his death at the beginning of December. My mom and younger sister -and later my older sister and her family- came for Christmas in Gatineau. Was terribly sick from Christmas to New Years... and terribly pregnant!

2009: Rang in the New Year with a new baby (Jan 3rd), born at a birth center without pain meds. Made my blog public. Threw Peter a surprise party for his 30th birthday. Watched Liam's French language skills explode. Was SUPER EXCITED to finally(!) have a niece. Peter received three E's in his French training. Photographed my first wedding. Celebrated my 30th birthday with my friend, Kim. Baked loads of bread. Decided to do school at home with Liam. Went strawberry and apple picking. Photographed most of our friends' families. Fell in love with Lightroom. Survived the trip from Ottawa to Regina ON MY OWN. Recognized -again- how much I enjoy my family and miss being nearer to them.

                                       June 2009                                                   September 2009

This last decade was definitely one of profound lows and amazing highs, searing loss and blessing-filled gains, intense sorrows and unspeakable joys. A decade of surprises, both good and bad. A decade of growth, both forced and sought out. A decade where, looking back, we can clearly see God's hand in our lives. It has not always been easy (many times it's been heartbreakingly, wretchedly painful), but we have so (incredibly) much to be thankful for.

And I am excited -EXCITED!- to see where the next decade will take us.

Goodbye, 2009! And a warm 'Hello!' to a brand new year!

Happy New Years!

finding the time

Today is December 30th and, now that I've awakend from my turkey-induced tryptophan coma, I feel like I'm in a race against the clock to get my holidays blogged. But first I need to get all my photos downloaded and editted AND THAT TAKES TIME. Time that requires I take time away from all the turkey-eating, picture-taking, cookie-consuming, friend-visiting, Playmobil-playing, Lego-building and general merry-making that's been going on. AM BEING PULLED IN. SO. MANY. DIRECTIONS.

But it's been a fun, fun holiday so far and I really want to document it all. For you, my lovely readers, and for me and my family.

Let's pray for a long nap time...

and to all a goodnight

It's 12:22am, so officially Christmas.

The soup has been eaten*, The Other Wiseman has been read (the little boys have giggled at the word "naked"), the Christmas jammies have been donned, the kids have been put to bed, the stockings have been filled and hung (or in this case laid on along the wall... there are 13 of us this year! I'd like to see the mantle big enough to accommodate thirteen stockings!), and this tired mum is ready for bed.

But before I go, I'd like to wish you all a very, VERY Merry Christmas. I am so thankful for all that I have. My awesome husband, my amazing children, my loving family, my wonderful friends, and my adoring fans loyal blog readers. In french the word for "thankful" is "reconnaisance". I love the word. It seems to imply an inherent consciousness of that which we have to be thankful. It seems more deliberate. A conscious thankfulness. Nice, eh?

And so, to all a Merry Christmas and, to all, a good night.

*My dad used to make corn chowder every Christmas Eve. For as long as I can remember. I'm not even sure how the tradition began, but it is unique to our family. It's not cultural or religious or ethic. It's just us. My dad was not here to make it this year, so my mom took up the torch. It was not quite like his, but it was still good.

Delicious.

Full of love (but not quite enough corn).

(Love you mom.)

"Five Things" a la Mothership

Inspired by DaniGirl's post today over at Postcards from the Mothership, I've decided to share five things that are making me happy this Christmas. Also, I can't come up with anything else to write about because my head is FULL OF CHRISTMAS. So here's my list (and here's Dani's):

1. It's great to be back in Regina. Not, so much, because Regina is a great place to be, but because it's full of great people whom I love greatly (Had enough of the word "great"? Should I have used "dearly" instead?). My last trip out here was for my dad's funeral -a decided less happy/cheerful/merry/jolly event- and it was a very quick, very full, very emotional few days. This time we're here for over three week and it's been nice, so far, to just enjoy being here.

2. I love watching my boys play with their cousins. Sure they fight, they're little boys after all. There are squabbles and tears and misunderstandings and cardboard-wrapping-paper-tubes-turned-jousting-lances-or-swords that make contact with cheeks or eyes instead of chests or shoulders, but they genuinely enjoy each other's company. Although their Grandma has almost had her fill of poop and fart and toilet jokes around the dinner table...

3. Although we've known of Simon's wheat allergy for two years, this week marks my first real foray into gluten-free baking. Not only do I have some chocolate cake and peanut butter cookies that I brought with me from Gatineau, but earlier this week I made some ginger cookies, and I currently have some dark chocolate chip and cranberry cookies in the oven and some shortbread dough waiting in the fridge. ALL GLUTEN-FREE. When I told Peter over the phone what I was doing, his response was "That's ambitious." He and I both know that I've had more failures than successes in the kitchen when it comes to gluten-free baking (cooking I can do, but baking gets tricky with all the substitutes Simon requires). I'm so excited to see the look on Simon's face when I set down a plate of treats in front of him. Even if everything is not an exact replica of their wheat flour counterparts, the extra effort will be worth it because HE is worth it (besides he's never tasted the "real" ones so has no point of reference).

4. The summer that Peter and I got married, my older sister also got married, and my younger sister moved out to go to college. An instant empty nest. That winter, my parents took in their first international ESL student. Since then there have been almost a dozen students from China, Korea and Japan who have lived in my parent's home. At the time of my dad's death last year, it was just my mom and my sister in that big house. We wondered if my mom would be able to afford the mortgage, if she'd be lonely, if it would be depressing to go home to an empty house every night. Instead of selling, my mom decided to continue with the international homestay students. Currently there are two girls staying there who are two of the warmest, sweetest, most fun and helpful and friendly students to ever stay there. It has been an absolute pleasure to meet/get to know them better, and I am SO GLAD that my mom has them in her life.

5. I'm thankful that my biggest stress this holiday season is being less than confident that the gifts I've chosen for my family will be as well received as I hope. I am so blessed to not have to worry about where I'll be sleeping tonight or where my next meal will come from. I am so fortunate to not to worry about political upheaval or civil unrest or the physical safety of my family. I am so grateful for my loving family (near and far), Peter's job (that he enjoys AND is in his chosen field), healthy/happy/amazing children, and WONDERFUL friends. We are SO BLESSED.

What's making you thankful/happy/joy-filled this holiday season?

holiday snacking

Last Christmas, I received the book Nourishing Traditions as a gift from myself. One of the recipes/food preparation methods I've added to my kitchen routine is that of soaking and drying nuts. The issue with raw or dry roasted nuts, is that nuts have a high amount of enzyme inhibitors that make them difficult to digest. In nature, these enzyme inhibitors are useful as they prevent nuts/seeds/grains from sprouting and growing prematurely (ie, the middle of a Canadian winter). Unfortunately, the enzymes in our stomachs that digest our food are also effected by these enzyme inhibitors.

Soaking nuts in warm water with a little bit of salt will neutralize the enzyme inhibitors and also help to encourage the production of beneficial enzymes that will help our stomachs digest nuts AND increase the availability of many vitamins (especially B vitamins). The nuts become easier to digest, the nutrients more easier to absorb.

The basic method for soaking nuts:

• dissolve salt in water
• pour water over nuts (or seeds) with enough water to cover
• leave in a warm place (time varies for type of nut)
  
• drain and spread on a pan (stainless steal is preferable)
• place in a warm oven (no warmer that 150 degrees) for specified time
• turn occasionally until thoroughly dry and crisp

For pecans (my favourite!) the soaking time is at least 7 hours (or even overnight) and it can take between 12-24 hours to completely dry them out.  I know this is more work than just tearing into a bag of roasted pecans, but they are soooo good when soaked and dehydrated. Seriously. It's such an improvement. They're beautiful and buttery and DE.LI.CIOUS.

Nourishing Traditions also contains a recipe for what are called "Holiday Pecans", as opposed to the simple Crispy Pecans as described above. Unfortunately, I couldn't remember the recipe and I didn't lug my copy of the book along to Regina. So this morning, I called Peter and asked if he would write out the recipe and email it to me. Here's what I found in my inbox this afternoon,

Holiday Pecans (makes 4 cups)

4 cups crispy pecan halves
3 egg whites
pinch sea salt
1/2 cup maple syrup
1 Tbsp vanilla extract

Beat egg whites with salt in a clean bowl until stiff. Slowly beat in maple syrup and vanilla. Fold in pecans until well coated. Spread on 2 buttered, stainless steal baking pans and place in a warm oven (no more than 150 degrees) for several hours until the egg white coating hardens. Store in an airtight container in the fridge. Save some for Peter.

Recipe to come... Holiday nuts coated in festive sack.

And my response?

I'm totally re-posting this on my blog. WHERE YOUR MOM WILL SEE IT.

Your loving wife, Amy

It's clear to me that, in the absence of my stable and calming presence, my dear husband has returned to his  pre-parenthood, pre-marriage, PRE-ADOLESCENT self sense of humour. Hopefully I won't have to put up with weeks of fart jokes while he reverts back to his grown up self.

and the winner is...

...Maria from BORED Mommy!

Actually, random.org picked #4 (Sorry, I'm too lazy to do a screen capture and post the pic, but did you read about my harrowing trip out here? I deserve a break!), but that "anonymous" comment was left by my oh-so-funny husband, Peter. If you all notice a sharp rise in slightly rude/sarcastic/lame-attempts-at-humour comments in the near future, that would be Peter's way of showing me that I'm missed. Annoying sweet, eh? Awwwww...

So, Maria, hopefully you're online cause I'm off to send you a tweet.

Unrelated, but it has TOTALLY warmed up here. From -37C when we landed on Monday to a BALMY -10C forecasted for this afternoon (that would be 14F for you Yankees). The sun is shining and it's all white and wintery and lovely out. I might even bundle the boys up and venture out with them this afternoon, and I seriously HATE winter "fun" (heavy emphasis on the quotation marks). Not so lovely is the fact that all this sun and warmth (yes, -10C/14F is WARM around here!) is causing my mom's roof to leak around one of the sky lights. Although watching Simon's reaction when he gets hit with a fat drop of ice cold water is almost worth it. *evil grin*

a SUPER QUICK giveaway for Tassimo lovers

I mentioned a few weeks back on Twitter that I'd scored a bunch of 2 for 1 Tassimo coupons while out one Saturday afternoon. I managed to use about 10 of them, but still have four coupons left. The problem is that they're only good for use in Ontario Superstores, Loblaws, etc, and they have to be used by Dec 31st. Seeing as A) I am not currently in Ontario; B) I do not plan to be back before the end of the month; and C) I found the coupons in my purse yesterday, I decided not to let them go to waste.

So this giveaway is for four coupons for buy one pack of Tassimo discs get one free that will be mailed priority from me to you. This giveaway isn't sponsored by anyone, I just think these coupons are a great deal and want someone to benefit from them. The coupons are unfortunately not valid for use with Starbucks or the Chai Tea discs, which is a mighty, mighty shame.

If you'd like to enter, simply:

• make sure you own a Tassimon, or will own a Tassimo buy the end of the year
• live in Ontario
• leave a comment here telling me how much you missed me when I didn't blog for 11 straight days earlier this month

I'll be picking a winner tonight or tomorrow morning and you'll have until noon tomorrow to send me your home address so I can run out to the post office and get the coupons off to you. Stat.

the one where she whines about traveling alone with three kids

Can you believe I've only posted twice this month?? What with recovering from Simon's birthday party, decorating for Christmas, planning/preparing/hosting a Christmas party and getting ready for three weeks away from home, there hasn't been much time left for blogging. I AM FULL OF EXCUSES.

So I am now in Regina and, let me tell you, the trip here was ten shades of awful. AWFUL.

After a 4:30am wake up call and a final check to make sure we had everything, we left for the airport shortly after 5am. This might've been overkill considering that there's almost zero traffic at that ungodly hour, but I was spurred on by the message in bold and CAPS on our ticket itinerary that warned NO INSURANCE FOR FLIGHT CANCELLATION. In the end, the timing was perfect as it gave us enough time to unload our four suitcases, four carry-ons, three kids, two car seats, and one double espresso chai tea latte (and a partridge in a pear tree) check in, drop off the car seats with the over-sized luggage, make two bathroom stops (hey, I had to take advantage of my last chance to use the washroom ON MY OWN for the next many, many -and, as it turned out, MANY- hours), and let the boys run around a bit before saying goodbye to daddy and heading through security. Perfect timing.

Also perfect was the security guard who, seeing me alone with three kids, took me out of line and opened a side door to let me straight to the front of the line. Bless you security guard at the Ottawa airport. You were kind and funny and compassionate and a perfect gentleman.

Unfortunately, that was THE END OF THE PERFECT.

Not long after the plane was fully boarded, the captain came on and informed us that because of the fog, the visibility was too poor to take off. We'd have to wait for the conditions to improve. And it would likely be an hour. AN HOUR. Then an hour later, he came on to inform us that while the conditions had improved, we'd burned so much fuel that we now had to wait for the fuel truck and then join the line up for de-icing. By the time we finally took off, we'd already spent TWO HOURS sitting on the tarmac.

Oh and I didn't mention that not only did Andrew burn through all the toys I'd brought him in under thirty minutes, but he was feverish and my attempts to give him some baby Tylenol resulted in him vomiting THE ENTIRE CONTENTS OF HIS FRESHLY FILLED STOMACH all over the aisle, himself AND ME. And do you think I'd brought a change of clothes?? Of course not. So I stripped him down and hung all his wet, sour-smelling clothes from our fold-down tables, wrapped him in a blanket, and prayed for him to fall asleep quickly. If you consider "quickly" to be after-forty-minutes-of-non-stop-screaming, then my prayers were answered.

Rather than recount every puke-smelling, scream/fight/squabble-filled, spilled juice covered minute of our 4 1/2 hour turned 6 1/2 hour flight, I will say that we landed in Calgary in one piece. Barely.

As we got off the plane I had Andrew on my hip in the wrap, Liam by the hand, Simon in the stroller and my cell phone on my shoulder as I frantically dialed my friend, Heidi, to make sure she didn't drive all the way out to the airport with her twelve day old baby to see me in -30 degree weather only to find my three hour layover had turned into a 30 minute one. Luckily she hadn't. Unluckily, as soon as we entered the terminal, I realized that Simon had left his backpack on the plane at the exact moment that Andrew started screaming and Simon jumped out the stroller (causing it to snap backwards because of all the heavy bags hanging on it) and ran off in one direction while Liam ran in the other. I kid you not, it was like a scene from a movie.

Thankfully a kind lady (who must've been related to the security guard from earlier) offered to help me. She found a flight attendant who went in search of our lost bag, and then kept an eye on Liam and tried to entice Simon off of one of those airport courtesy carts while I figured out how to get to our next gate. We  made it there with five minutes before boarding... only to find out that this flight, too, was delayed due to a mechanical problem. A 40 minute delay became an hour and a half delay, which was made bearable by the fact that we had not yet boarded and the boys had room to run. And by run I mean, ride the moving sidewalks back and forth, back and forth, for the better part of an hour (my apologies to anyone who had their bags/legs knocked into by two cute-yet-crazy boys wearing matching blue sweaters).

(Have I mentioned that Simon was going on day three without a nap?? He didn't go to bed until after 11pm Friday night because of our Christmas party, Saturday we were out running last minute errands, and Sunday we decided to drop the nap in favour of an early bedtime since we planned to leave the house by 5am. This is a child who still naps every day. Who still needs to nap every day.)

After a relatively uneventful flight from Calgary to Regina (one in which Simon was asleep in his seat before the flight attendants had even started their safety demonstration), we were greeted by the most bone-chilling cold weather. Those who've never experienced weather colder than -30 degrees (Fahrenheit and Celsius meet at -30, incaseyoudidn'tknow), it's hard to explain HOW FREAKIN COLD that is.

(Many of my fellow Canadian readers will have experienced that stinging sensation in your lungs when you inhale air that cold. They'll know that squeaking sound the snow makes when you step on it, almost like the sound styrofoam makes. They'll be familiar with the Cold Car Dance... that one that involves rocking back and forth, shivering madly and muttering obscenities to the cold through chattering teeth while you wait for your car to warm up.)

However, in spite of the cold, it's so good to be here. It's so good to see my mom and sisters and brother-in-law, and to see my boys play with their cousins. The weather is warming up (It's supposed to be -2 C tomorrow! A veritable heat wave!), Andrew's fever has broken, and I'm no longer so tired that my face hurts. And no matter how awful the trip was, it was SO TOTALY WORTH IT.

Only nine more sleeps til Christmas!

fix-it-friday #38

I haven't participated in i ♥ faces Fix-it-Friday for over a month. For some reason, I didn't jump on the ready-made post idea for Fridays during NaBloPoMo in November. But when I saw the picture that the ladies chose, I couldn't resist. Too cute. AND LOOK AT THOSE EYES.

I've been playing around in the new (and FREE) Lightroom 3 Beta and really like the watermark feature. I did not, however, actually take this picture. I just edited it. But I'm feeling too lazy to start up Lightroom, find the picture, remove the watermark, save, upload to Flickr and repost. So just know that this isn't my picture. It was taken by Lindsey from Getting Wild In The West.

Here's the original:

And a few of my edits (done in Lightroom and Gimp):







Visit i ♥ faces to see how other participants have worked this photo.

a year ago

A year ago tonight, I was waiting for my dad to die.

A year ago tonight, I was lying in bed curled up around my eight month pregnant belly, with the phone clutched to my chest, waiting for it to ring with the news that he was gone.

A year ago tonight, I was crying hot, angry tears as I tried to understand how the doctors could go from planning my dad's long term care one day, to telling us he wouldn't live through the night the next.

A year ago tonight, I was trying to wrap my head around the fact that I would be fatherless by morning.

A year ago tonight, I was second guessing our decision not to wake Liam and Simon to talk to their grandpa and say one last goodbye.

A year ago tonight, I felt so far away I might as well have been on the moon. The distance -the space between me and my dad- felt like a crushing weight. I have never felt such an intense longing to BE SOMEWHERE ELSE. With my dad.

A year ago tonight, I had to accept a "new normal". One in which my dad was forever absent. One in which I would never again be able to call him up at any hour of the day to tell him a story about the boys, ask his advice, check up on his work projects, or receive whatever recipe/tip/challenge/encouragement/laugh/love I needed.

A year ago tonight, my dad died. I lost my father and my friend.

I miss you, dad.