A year ago tonight, I was lying in bed curled up around my eight month pregnant belly, with the phone clutched to my chest, waiting for it to ring with the news that he was gone.
A year ago tonight, I was crying hot, angry tears as I tried to understand how the doctors could go from planning my dad's long term care one day, to telling us he wouldn't live through the night the next.
A year ago tonight, I was trying to wrap my head around the fact that I would be fatherless by morning.
A year ago tonight, I was second guessing our decision not to wake Liam and Simon to talk to their grandpa and say one last goodbye.
A year ago tonight, I felt so far away I might as well have been on the moon. The distance -the space between me and my dad- felt like a crushing weight. I have never felt such an intense longing to BE SOMEWHERE ELSE. With my dad.
A year ago tonight, I had to accept a "new normal". One in which my dad was forever absent. One in which I would never again be able to call him up at any hour of the day to tell him a story about the boys, ask his advice, check up on his work projects, or receive whatever recipe/tip/challenge/encouragement/laugh/love I needed.
A year ago tonight, my dad died. I lost my father and my friend.
I miss you, dad.
Huge hugs Amy! Praying for you and your family today.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry, Amy, what an incredibly difficult thing to go through. Lots of prayers and thoughts for all of you today.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for your loss a year ago. It was 10 years ago this year that my dad passed. The ache..lessens somewhat, but never goes away. My dad died on our wedding anniversary, so it makes that day bittersweet. He died suddenly...and I never got to say goodbye...that haunts me until this day, but the beautiful memories of him while he was alive overwhelm the sad one of his passing. Be well and heal in your time.
ReplyDeleteAmy, I'm so sorry.
ReplyDeleteMay you feel God's arms around you, especially today.
Praying for you friend.
Our love and prayers are with you. He was such a great, fun guy.
ReplyDeleteThat is beautifully written. I am so so sorry for your loss.
ReplyDeletexoxoxox
ReplyDeleteOh Amy. I cannot imagine. I am so sorry. Your grief, even a year later, is palpable.
ReplyDeleteAgain, I am so sorry.
Oh my...that made me teary. I'm so sorry for your loss. I don't even want to think about how hard it would be to lose either of my parents.
ReplyDeleteAmy, I can't imagine how you must feel but I pray that God gives you the peace you need in your heart and joy in the precious memories you have to share. Praying for you and your family today.
ReplyDeleteLosing your Dad is tough. I am so sorry.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry... I can't imagine. My dad has lived in another state for a really long time, and that is a situation I have always feared. My son's due date was the day that my Grandfather passed a year before... it was such a surreal feeling, welcoming one life in and saying goodbye (again) to another.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you... this was beautiful.
I'm so sorry for your loss. It's never easy, the new reality that's left for us, but at least we had the old together.
ReplyDeleteBig hug to you.
We've been thinking of your family and we love you all!
ReplyDelete-Sara
Love you and praying for you!!!
ReplyDeleteOh Amy, what a hard time. I can imagine all these feelings are still so raw. Hugs to you and your family.
ReplyDeleteOh, Amy. I am so sorry to read this. My heart aches for you.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry that you lost him. I hope you had lots of wonderful thoughts of him on the day.
ReplyDelete