Saturday, July 18, 2009

something's off here

As I mentioned yesterday, I don't feel like my outside matches how I feel on the inside. Case in point: clothes shopping.

I needed to buy something to wear to the wedding I photographed last weekend. I needed something that wouldn't bunch or pull or ride up, and something that I could squat, kneel, and bend in without worrying about exposing too much skin or other fleshy bits. It had to be comfortable in order to concentrate on my job and not worry about too low a cut shirt or pants that expose one of my least favorite cracks. Oh, and I had to be able to nurse in it too. Should've been easy, eh?

I did end up finding a cute-ish dress to wear (with leggings) that worked really well. The main problem I had while shopping wasn't so much related to style of clothing, but finding the right size. Not only has the sizing of clothes changed since I last shopped on a regular basis THREE PREGNANCIES AGO, but when I did last shop, I was a different size. In my head, while shopping, I'm still that size.

Not much can ruin that fun little shopping high as quickly as realizing that ALL NINE items you've taken to the change room with you are too small. You immediately forget how proud you were of the 6.5lbs you lost over the last few weeks when still can't fit into clothes you thought you'd be able to.

I don't even understand it myself.. I know that I'm heavier than I'd like to be and than I think is healthy for me, so WHAT PART OF MY BRAIN thinks I can still fit into a size 6?? Why don't I start at, say, size 12 and work my way down, feeling good about myself? Is it that I think, even with the weight I want to lose, that I look better than I actually do?

Am I like those parents who blindly can't see (or don't chose to admit) that their cherubs are actually rude, badly behaved little monsters? Someone who thinks they can sing when they can't? Thinks they're funny when they aren't? Anyone who's idea of themselves differs greatly from reality? Am I like that??

Am I afraid to admit that the problem is worse than I currently believe? Or do I chose sizes that are too small because I'm an optimist? And because I dare to hope that I'll be shocked pleasantly surprised and find that they actually fit?


  1. So not fair, I do swear they change up the sizing every few years. You are a fun writer I enjoy reading your blog. It could be worse, you could have excited ordered a package of clothes online from a fav store to have them arrive all too small. I never used to understand the difference between "misses" and "junior" sizing, At least they don't still call it "misses" and they make something besides polyester pantsuits for us. Shopping is not as fun as it used to be...sigh...

  2. Trust me, clothing sizes are unreliable!

    If you go into one store for one size, it might be 2 sizes bigger in another. My closet is strewn with sizes that vary.

    Trust the fit, not that tag. It's only a number, set by the industry, based on very little from what I see! If it fits and looks good, then flaunt it.


  3. Size 6 and size 8 are soooo never ever going to be sizes I'm ever going to wear... and I'm okay with that! Don't worry about the numbers! And I find that each store fits me differently.

  4. I can so relate, I was the same way after I had Kamden. It took me a few years to get back on track, you are miles ahead. You will get there and then you will be very happy with the size you are. Not to mention I agree with Loukia, the sizing is all over the map!


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