my dad - part V

I really wanted to spend tonight working on Simon's 24 month letter, including all the fun details about his party yesterday. Instead I'm posting another possibly grim update about my dad. Not sure how I feel about following this up with a happy, feel-good birthday post, so it might have to wait til tomorrow...

I spoke to my mom about an hour ago. My dad is not doing well... again.

Yesterday, he seemed to be doing quite well or at least "normal" for him. This morning my mom was up around 9am and thought he was doing well cognitively, however he was complaining of abdominal pain. The staff had emptied his ileostomy this morning and it was fine. Around 4:30pm when they were to empty it again it was ever so slightly pink, then by 5pm it was BRIGHT red. He also started vomitting and it was very dark brown.

A critical care doctor came up to see him and ordered a CT scan which they just finished around 8pm SK time. He's currently on the way down for a scope of his stomach.

As I said in my last email, there was a conference scheduled for this last Tues to decide whether he would be moved to a long term care facility. The move was approved, but only once a new infection in his incision had healed. This infection was discovered either Tues or Mon. They wouldn't move him until he was done with the course of antibiotics, as this infection put him back into the acute care category.

It seems that this new issue could be as "simple" (although nothing is simple in my dad's case) as an ulcer in his stomach or as serious as a problem with the initial colectomy having not healed and having been rotting this whole time. If it's the latter -or anything else that may require another surgery- they've told my mom that there is nothing they can/will do for him. He has too many "strikes" against him, and just honestly wouldn't likely survive another major surgery. At that point, they'll do whatever they can to make him comfortable, but that's it. He's currently in quite a lot of pain, but they haven't given him anything at this point because I guess they needed him somewhat lucid for the CT scan.

So my other emails about "barring some sort of new life-threatening infection or illness"... yeah, well, looks like there's a possibility of yet another fatal complication. It's almost laughable. Almost. But also makes me want to cry and scream at God and ask Him what the heck He's playing at.

To be completely honest, it's almost a relief that they've taken away the options should another life and death decision need to be made. It's also a relief that my dad is conscious enough now to understand what is happening and make his own decisions (should any be offered) and plans for how he wants things to play out from now on. I hate that we're at this point (again!) and I'm mad about this whole year. I still have a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that all this started around this time last year... with a simple cold! And while we've tried throughout everything to try to somehow rationalize things and to see God's hand in it all, it's getting more difficult. I hate what this is doing to my mom and the rest of the family, and more than anything I hate what this has done to my dad.

So please pray. I honestly don't know what to ask you to pray for... that it would "just" be an ulcer OR that he'd go quickly. In the same breath that I say I want this all to end, I can't imagine life without my dad in it.

Love,
Amy

P.S. Sorry these are always so long and rambling. If nothing
else, it helps me to write it all out. So thanks for reading.