The results! It's a....!!!

(I started this post last night, but ended up on Skype with family for hours and didn't have the chance to finish. SORRY. I didn't mean to leave you all hanging, but it's been a week of way-less-sleep-than-normal and my eyes were burning.)


Aaaaand we're back.

Actually, we've been back for a few hours but I had to make supper, feed the family, sit in front of the fire while playing Uno with Peter and the boys (I won all three games even though I was trying not to... no one wants to play with me anymore! I am the QUEEN OF UNO!), get the boys ready for bed, read a chapter of The Hobbit, then tuck them in, give everyone kisses and hugs goodnight (lather, rinse, repeat). 

I finally sat down to insert the disc with all the pictures and video from the ultrasound this afternoon, only to discover that the mini disc they gave us is too small for either our iMac or MacBook! I couldn't even insert the thing! I did manage to remember how to use our scanner however, so all is not lost (although I'm sure the disc contains more pictures and hopefully some short video clips).

The ultrasound went well (even considering we arrived about 20mins before the doctor and there was still one patient before us) and it was a relief to discover that his english was wonderful. As he began to ask about my prenatal history, we explained that this was my fifth pregnancy and that we have three other boys at home. We told him about Nathaniel and his Trisomy 18 diagnosis.

As the scan started, we let him know that we definitely wanted to know the gender of the baby if possible. Unlike every ultrasound I ever had in Canada, he didn't wait until the very end to find out and went right to the goods... but you'll have to wait a bit for that.

(Unless you're a big cheat and scroll to the end... DON'T YOU DARE.)


(Or you're a friend on Flickr and saw the picture I uploaded last night... *cough* Angela and Sara *cough*)

After taking several measurements, he moved on to the baby's head and brain. This is one of the parts that makes me the most nervous as one of the first "soft" markers they found with Nathaniel were some choroid plexus cysts in his brain. Even though I had little idea what we were about to face, I do remember thinking at the time that the tech was taking an awfully long time on his brain and that it didn't quite look right... too dark.

So imagine the thoughts that started to run through my head when the doctor chose THAT MOMENT to ask, "So... tell me about what it was they saw on the ultrasound that lead them to diagnosis Trisomy 18?"

Um... why?? WHAT ARE YOU SEEING???

I tried to stay calm while I talked about several of the markers that were initially seen and went on to talk a little bit about Nathaniel's birth. The whole time my eyes never leaving the screen above my head as I tried desperately to catch a glimpse of baby's hands... clenched fists with overlapping fingers (that don't open during the ultrasound) are a strong indication of Trisomy 18.

Nathaniel's hands were always tightly clenched.

And boy if this little babe didn't make it near impossible to get a clear shot of its hands, either on the regular scan or the 4D! The doctor spent the longest time trying from all different angles, but there was always something in the way. And the longer he tried the more I could feel my anxiety grow. I'm not even sure if I was breathing.

Finally -FINALLY!- he was able to get a clear image of baby's hand... all five fingers spread wide up against its face.

(huge exhale)

And he looked at us, smiling, and said, "There! No clenched fists!" He must have been able to sense the tension!

As the exam ended, he assured us several times that everything looked great. Baby is about 6-7 days behind/small, but we don't make 'em big so it's nothing at all to be worried about. He told us that our doctor might want a follow up scan in a few months to check on growth, but he considered it a completely normal ultrasound of a completely health baby.

Now on to the bit you've all been waiting for...

I want to preface this by saying that all, while all parents will generally give the line that all they want is a healthy baby, this line takes on special meaning for us, especially in regards to this first ultrasound. Being assured by the doctor that everything is fine and baby is healthy really is such a relief. Even though our odds of having another baby with Trisomy 18 are the same as they are for the general population (ie, our risk is no higher than anyone else), it's still a fear. A huge fear. That it might happen again. So that "all clear" is always such beautiful news to hear.

At the beginning of this pregnancy -and as it progressed and became more and more insanely difficult- we often said things like, "It had BETTER BE a girl!" or "At least if it's a girl it'll make this all so much more bearable." or "It had better be a girl... cause this is THE LAST TIME WE'RE EVER DOING THIS!". I was really convinced that, while I wouldn't be upset with another boy, I'd be very, very disappointed to not have a little girl.

Then a few weeks ago while we were looking at houses online (back in Canada), I started thinking about the logistics of sleeping arrangements, play space, etc, four a family of six. It was then that I got the image in my head of a fun, carefully decorated room with two sets of bunk beds and four little boys sleeping in them... sitting in a chair to read to them before bed, tucking them all in, kissing their little (likely sweat and smelly) little heads goodnight. It was a really nice thought. I was surprised by how much I loved the idea.

Four little boys.

Kind of... perfect.

And it was then that I realized that I truly would be happy either way. Truly and honestly.

With all that being said, scroll down for a picture from the ultrasound, including the "money shot"...

























(I'm mean.)

Did you see it?! There in that first picture??

I'm not really sure why it looks like little balls in the 4D image, but in the regular ultrasound pictures you can definitely see those telltale lines... and the clear ABSENCE of those very important boy bits!

A girl!

A GIRL!!!

(insert shocked expression)

On the way home from picking up the boys, we showed them this picture while stuck in traffic. We instructed Liam to look at it carefully and after a short moment he exclaimed -with a big grin- "It's a baby girl!". Simon sitting next to him, took the paper to look at it more closely and said, "The baby's name is It's a Baby Girl??". It was such a funny and fully-Simon response. Liam is quick to give his approval, but Simon claims he really wanted another little brother. Andrew continued to sit in his car seat and screech and point every time a motorcycle passed by (one of Bogota's MILLION motorcycles).

We're sure Simon will come around. He'll get used to the idea... as will we. 

Three boys and a little girl.

Kind of... perfect.