forget the ants... WHAT IS THIS THING?

Peter called me from work and asked if I'd looked in the tub yet this morning. My first thought was that perhaps the ant colony that (in my imagination) has made its nest in the ceiling above our bathroom has become so enormous that it's crashed through the ceiling.

(shudder)

I shudder a lot when I think of bugs. Especially colonies or nest.

(shudder)

Or swarms.

(shudder)

He mockingly lovingly assured me that that wasn't the case, but there was something in the tub under an overturned wipes container. I took Simon with me to make him lift it up. Unfortunately, our tub is deep and he couldn't reach. What use is a boy-child who can't deal with bugs for me?? I need one with longer arms.

Here's what we found waiting for us,

And underneath? THIS MONSTROSITY.
What in God's green earth is it?! In all of His infinite wisdom, WHY WOULD HE MAKE SOMETHING LIKE THIS?!?

It's about 1 1/4" long and has sooooo many legs (creepy crawly legs). I can't even look at the picture long enough to count them! And I'm pretty sure those are fangs in the front. Probably poisonous.

(shudder)

Can anyone identify it for me? Is it the type of thing that lives with thousands more of its kind in a nest? Is there the possibility of said nest being inside my house?? Does it swarm???

Can you tell I'm starting to freak out???

P.S. If I just leave it there, will it turn into something non-creepy, non-crawly, and non-poisonous? Like a butterfly or a kitten or a baby unicorn??