my boys' take on the Royal Wedding and other small horrors

In case you missed this picture when I posted it on Twitter...

As I mentioned briefly in my last post, while at the finca last week I managed to get completely covered by bug bites. I don't know if it was my deliciously juicy preggo blood or maybe just an extreme reaction to a new kind of bug bite, but this is what my arm looked like two days ago,

Gross, eh? And they're SOOOOOOO ITCHY!! Most look even worse than in those pictures now since I've scratched them til they're scabbed. The crazy thing is that Peter had loads too but most have already disappeared, Liam has maaaaaybe a couple (although his awful sun burn made up for it, poor boy), Simon looks like he has the chicken pox from scratching his even worse than mine, and Andrew has a couple dozen little ones that he likes to point out but rarely scratches.

Me? I have HUNDREDS. Literally. I counted about 65 in those pictures... and that's on one side of one arm! My legs are awful too. I seriously look like I have a disease. Or am a meth addict or something.

And I have a formal wedding to go to THIS SATURDAY. As in tomorrow.

Hopefully it will be dark and candle lit.

*sigh*

I'm hoping to go for a manicure today (they only cost about $5 down here and it will only be my second EVER... my first being 9 years ago in Quito, Ecuador) with a friend -and fellow wedding invitee- from the embassy. That along with my haircut tomorrow may be enough to make me feel pretty... in spite of my ill-fitting non-maternity dress, big belly, and bite-covered self.

* * * * * * * * * * *

After the boys finished their far-too-early breakfast this morning before school, I had them bring their uniforms into the TV room so they could watch the end of the Royal Wedding while getting dressed. Liam is quite happy to share a name with Prince William, but didn't think that Kate looked like a princess (not sure what constitutes a princess in his mind). Simon said that I am a like a princess (stop laughing!), and Andrew didn't pay attention to much other than the horses until the planes flew over. He loved that.

Liam was also full of questions about monarchies and why some countries have kings and queens and others have presidents. He also didn't know why the queen's husband is only a prince and not the king (good question). We dug out some of our Canadian coins to show him the queen on the back and explained that Canada is part of the monarchy, so Prince William is our prince too. Hopefully that will make him feel more a part of the celebrations at their school today...

That's right, they're having a Royal Wedding "street party" at the school today. It is a British school after all.

But it still made me laugh.

Speaking of street parties, we (and everyone at the embassy) were invited to a party at the official residence of the British Ambassador this afternoon. I had no intention of going, but after watching part of the wedding this morning, I'm almost tempted. Unfortunately it's during my Andrew's nap time.

And I need to stay home and figure out some way to mask the horror that is my arms in time for tomorrow night's wedding...

little ray's

Today we had the pleasure of attending the 3rd birthday of Liam and Simon's friend, J. It was held at Little Ray's Reptile Zoo in South Ottawa, a place I'd heard of many times but that we hadn't managed to get to. It was quite a drive from our place in Gatineau, but definitely worth it.

Liam holding a scorpion. A SCORPION.

The birthday boy, somewhat unsure of the six month old baby Cayman.

Even Andrew got in on the action, touching the baby Cayman and 

this something-or-other gecko (all I remember is that it has magnetic feet).

And just for Tia, this giant creepy some-sort-of tarantula. When threatened, it'll shoot 

all those fuzzy hairs off its body AND INTO YOUR LUNGS. Super. 

For the record, I held/touched each of those thing along with my boys. Simon wasn't too sure of it all, so I had to put on a brave face for him. Liam, however, needed NO encouragement. He was all, "LET'S FEED MORE DEAD MICE TO THE SNAKES!" (pictures to come). He was TOTALLY excited and FULL of questions and just reallyreallyREALLY enjoyed it.

It was a fun place for a kids' party, however I have no idea what the cost was. We were there early enough that, when the three year olds reverted to playing run-in-circles-and-scream (ah, a good ol' standby), there was plenty of room and we didn't have to worry about bothering other visitors. The fellow who was our guide/host/crocodile feeder was great with the animals and super with the kids. The birthday child is treated extra special (as it should be) and is able to assist the guide with feeding and holding many of the creatures. My only issues were with the smell (*gag* but unavoidable in a place like that) and the questionable cleanliness of some of the surfaces. This last bit may only have been as evident to me, with my still-sometimes-crawling toddler.

Over all it was a great morning and one that I'm sure to hear about for days weeks to come.

bugs bring out the worst in me

I could write a lot even more on the subject of bugs today.

I could write about how, after not seeing any ants for TWO WHOLE DAYS, I found a gang (Yes, a gang. A tough one too.) of six (SIX!) ants scheming gathered together in the hallway outside my bedroom.

I could write about how I sat for 45 minutes watching the little hooligans trying to find out where they were coming from.

I could write about how I fed them some drops of honey in the hopes they'd eat and go back to the nest. And how when that failed I fed them bacon. And how I hated the fact that I was actually feeding them instead of squashing the living guts out of each and every one of them.

And I could rejoice with you, my lovely readers, over the fact that I think I finally have an idea of where they're coming from.

Except that after wasting my free-time during the boys' naps yesterday sitting on the hard hallway floor, then leaving for the afternoon, we returned to find ants everywhere. E.V.E.R.Y.W.H.E.R.E. I killed at least thirty of them in the first 20 minutes that we were home.

I also developed a twitch.

Clearly those honey and bacon loving little demons took their bounty back to the nest AND TOLD ALL THEIR FRIENDS TO COME BACK WITH THEM.

Either that or the creepiest of all creepy bugs that we found in our tub -a bug that happens to eat carpenter ants- had been responsible for the lack of ants we'd seen for two days (My theory is that those six I found yesterday were a scouting party to see if the coast was clear. I also think that the colony offered up those with the lowest IQ cause those were some STUPID ants. Should it really take an ant 30 minutes to find his way across a 3' x 3' square when he's carrying a piece of bacon bigger than he is?? STUPID ants). So not only did we "look that gift horse in the mouth", but we smashed it with a shoe, wadded it up in toilet paper, and sent it to a watery grave. Thanks gift horse.

Last night I went out and bought some of those little plastic ant traps.

My hopes are not high.

forget the ants... WHAT IS THIS THING?

Peter called me from work and asked if I'd looked in the tub yet this morning. My first thought was that perhaps the ant colony that (in my imagination) has made its nest in the ceiling above our bathroom has become so enormous that it's crashed through the ceiling.

(shudder)

I shudder a lot when I think of bugs. Especially colonies or nest.

(shudder)

Or swarms.

(shudder)

He mockingly lovingly assured me that that wasn't the case, but there was something in the tub under an overturned wipes container. I took Simon with me to make him lift it up. Unfortunately, our tub is deep and he couldn't reach. What use is a boy-child who can't deal with bugs for me?? I need one with longer arms.

Here's what we found waiting for us,

And underneath? THIS MONSTROSITY.
What in God's green earth is it?! In all of His infinite wisdom, WHY WOULD HE MAKE SOMETHING LIKE THIS?!?

It's about 1 1/4" long and has sooooo many legs (creepy crawly legs). I can't even look at the picture long enough to count them! And I'm pretty sure those are fangs in the front. Probably poisonous.

(shudder)

Can anyone identify it for me? Is it the type of thing that lives with thousands more of its kind in a nest? Is there the possibility of said nest being inside my house?? Does it swarm???

Can you tell I'm starting to freak out???

P.S. If I just leave it there, will it turn into something non-creepy, non-crawly, and non-poisonous? Like a butterfly or a kitten or a baby unicorn??

YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME

After several readers left comments eluding to carpenter ants, I spent a few minutes reading this article. Words like "infestation", "nest", and "swarm" came up often. Super.

My whole body tensed up with I read this,

"A parent carpenter ant colony sometimes establishes one or more satellite nests
in nearby indoor or outdoor sites. If one nest is found, watch for evidence of additional
nests. More than one nest may be present in a structure. "

I felt weak and more than a little ill at this bit,

"When carpenter ant nests are indoors, mating swarms become trapped inside."

And was left rocking hugging my knees to my chest after this juicy tidbit,

"Sound detection may be helpful in locating a nest. An active colony may
make a dry, rustling sound that becomes louder if the colony is disturbed."

More than one nest? "Mating swams"!? Nest so big that THEY MAKE NOISE?!??

For the love of all that good and holy, please pray there is not A NEST of bugs in my house!

I AM FREAKING OUT!

(Off to find a solitary worker ant and follow it through my house with a red flashlight in the hopes of finding its home.)

a veritable plague

Remember this post about the rolly poly bugs? Remember my lamenting the ants that we dealt with last year? The teeny, tiny, yet strong-in-numbers ants? I wrote that post March 31st. Three weeks ago.

After Peter finished reading it, he looked up at me and said the following words... words that stuck fear in my heart...

"I've seen at least half a dozen ants in the last week."

Wh-h-h-h-at???

Apparently he'd seen them in the bathroom and the boys' room and one in our room (OUR ROOM!). The very next day, I saw one too (thanks Murphy). One or two ants a day is annoying and a bit unnerving. But the 8-12 that I've been finding each day? That's a plague.

And folks, these aren't the teeny, tiny little ants that you could easily mistake for a little crumb. These. Are. Big. Ants. They're at least as long as my pinky finger is wide. They're a dark, shiny black. And they're fast, the little buggers. Unfortunately, they're so big that when caught (usually in a wad of toilet paper) they audibly pop when you squeeze them. Ugh. You can actually HEAR IT.

(shiver)

And they don't just stay on the floor. I've found them on the walls, in the tub, scaling the door frames, crawling on the boys' nightlight (and casting a GIANT ANT SHADOW on the ceiling, nasty creepy little bug).

Then yesterday while I was downstairs doing laundry, I felt something on my back...

(blech, can you guess where this is going??)

I whipped up my shirt to find THE BIGGEST ONE YET. RIGHT. ON. MY. BACK.

(I'm seriously having a hard time even writing this out cause my skin feels like it's crawling with ants. Ew. Ew. Ew. EW.)

I'm not entirely sure how it got there, but here's my theory: It jumped on me. It climbed the wall and waited for me -innocently doing laundry in what I believed to be the safety of my own house- to pass underneath.

Then it pounced.

Beastly little creepy crawly ant.

I had him balled up in toilet paper and on his way to a watery grave before he even realized that his plot had been foiled.

I won that battle, but I'm really not sure about the war. And it's making me very nervous...

the conniving ant

ants in my dreams

(not my pictures)

E-W-W-W spells "BUG"

I have bugs in my house.

Specifically these guys. Potato bugs or pill bugs or roly poly bugs. Their scientific name is Armadillidiidae, I assume because they roll up like armadillos. Their name around here is, "THOSE BUGS THAT ARE EVERYWHERE."

Everywhere downstairs that is. Thankfully, I don't think any of them have managed to scale the staircase yet. BY THE GRACE OF GOD.

I know that these bugs are really pretty low down on most people's list of bugs to be feared. Truthfully, they don't disgust/shock/terrify me as much as they annoy me... it's the quantity of them! I find at least a dozen everyday and that's without really searching them out. That's just the ones that I happen to see making their way across the basement floor.

And, um hello, where are they coming from??

Although I don't think roly poly bugs are much in the way of community, I'm still horrified by the idea that I might come apon a nest of them. A NEST.

Dear Lord.

The mere idea of it.

(I'm shaking.)

The thing is, I'm pretty sure this is just the beginning of my bug issues for the year (I'll be making a new blog category, I'm sure).

When we first moved in last June, we were doing some major cleaning of the house, garage, our car, etc. At one point, some Coke was spilled. Coke that I cleaned up with a cotton rag. A cotton rag that I later went to grab to throw in the wash only to discover it was teeming (TEEMING... shudder) with teeny, tiny ants. Teeny, tiny ants that we clearly didn't see or notice prior to buying the house.

Those who have battled ants know what they're like. They scout out and find any morsel of food mere seconds after it's hit the floor, then invite several hundreds of their friends to the feast.

WELL I HAVE A TODDLER.

Although he's (marginally) better now, last summer he would throw food for the sheer joy of hearing it hit the floor. The ants were very happy and surely thanked their lucky stars for the time of plenty they were experiencing. I, however, was very, VERY unhappy.

I hate ants.

Especially swarms of teeny-tiny-yet-fat-and-happy ants that force me to do much more cleaning than is my norm.

The ants plagued us all summer until I took the boys to visit family in Regina for three week. By the time we returned, the ants were gone. GONE. I'm not sure if they figured the well had run dry or if Peter took a chemical approach to getting rid of them... I didn't ask. I didn't care as long as they were gone.

I'm worried that the warm weather will bring them back. With a vengeance.

And don't even get me started on the spiders in this place...

(sigh)

Please tell me I'm not alone.