Thursday, June 30, 2011

finally... the birth story.

Around 1am, I woke up (once again) with wicked heartburn. It was so bad that I couldn't even be laying down. After a trip to the bathroom for my fifth and sixth Tums of the night, I decided to head out to the recliner in our living room so I could sleep a bit more upright. It worked and -after quickly checking Facebook and the comments on my blog, of course- I fell asleep and didn't wake up until right around 5am. Almost four hours! Quite the feat considering the capacity of my bladder at 41+ weeks pregnant.

But before I go any further, lets have a recap of the few days prior... courtesy of my Twitter stream.


Saturday, June 11th,
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Sunday, June 12th,
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Monday, June 13th,
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Monday, June 14th,
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Carrying on...

5:00 am - Wake up. Feel a contraction not long after... that actually kinda hurts. Get up, grab the laptop so I can listen to my hypnobabies scripts. Head back to bed.

5:10 am - Back in bed, listening to the "First Stages" script. A few more contractions. Have to concentrate a bit during them, more to try to figure out if they were real or not. Have to use the bathroom after each "wave" (more on that later)

6:00 am - Not really able to sleep. Get up to wake the boys for school. Simon and Andrew are already awake. Attempt to rouse Liam. Have a contraction. 

6:05 am - Another contraction. Tell Liam that maybe the baby will be here when he gets home from school. Get no response (but I do get a nice hug before he heads for breakfast).

6:10 am - Sit in the dark of the boys' room contemplating the possibility that this might actually be the birth day. Feel yet another contraction. Go back to bed to listen to my script and try to relax. Not able to get comfortable at all while lying down.

6:30 am - Peter comes back up from getting the boys on the bus. I tell him that maybe he should stay home from work, but "would he be mad if it doesn't happen today?". He says he'll stay. I have him move the chair from the boys' room into ours so I can be sitting up, then move the crib and dresser out of the way so there'll be room for the birth pool.

6:45 am - Not timing contractions, but think about calling the doctor.

6:50 am - Okay. Enough waiting. Call the doctor AND GET HIS VOICEMAIL. Leave a message saying I think this might be the real thing. He calls back and says he'll be here in an hour. I hang up on him because I can't talk through the contraction.

With all my other labours, my contractions followed a predictable pattern. They very distinctly started low and the tightening worked its way up my belly in a wave, peaked, and then worked its way back down. These are so, so different. While I still feel the tightening, there is almost no pain whatsoever in my abdomen itself. It's ALL in my cervix. Deep inside and so, so strong. When I lean forward even the tiniest bit, the pain is unbearable. Way too intense.

I labour mostly sitting up in an armchair, listening to my hypnobabies script. Peter brings in his coffee and newspaper, but Andrew follows him in and keeps trying to climb on me (only during contractions of course). I try a few times to lay down -since I really want to lay down!- but the pain quadruples and I lay there whimpering. I can't relax or concentrate on anything other than just surviving til the wave ends and I can get back in the chair. I try sitting on the exercise ball. I try kneeling on the ground, leaning on the ball. But anything other than sitting slightly reclined in the chair just doesn't work. I feel very nauseous during each contraction.

I sit in the chair with my legs crossed, feet on the exercise ball, and head propped up on a pillow against the wall (Peter has to both lift my legs onto the ball AND reach the pillow that's sitting mere inches away). I concentrate on consciously relaxing all the muscles in my abdomen and uterus, and say to myself "open, open, open" with each wave of pain. I can hear Peter playing with Andrew somewhere in the house. Between contractions I silently curse the woman on the disc and her claims that all I feel is "pressure". This is far, far, FAR more than pressure. FAR. MORE.

Peter comes in often to check on me. I can hear him come in, but he leaves me to my chair and scripts. A few times I sit up to talk to him or attempt to change positions, but whenever I'm not concentrating on relaxing I want to climb out of my skin. Even though listening to the scrips and practicing what I've learned do not make things painless, I feel completely out of control when I break my concentration.

7:50 am - It's one hour after the doctor said he would be here in one hour.  He's not here. I have Peter call him. He says he's 10 minutes away. I'm super nauseous with each surge.

8:00 am - Me: CALL. HIM. AGAIN. Even with deep, deliberate, conscious concentration I'm having a hard time keeping calm and relaxed. Although I still feel in control, I begin to wonder if the doctor will make it in time. He definitely won't have time to inflate and fill the birth pool. Peter fills the tub and puts some water on to boil (since our hot water tank hardly fills the tub 8" before running out).

8:05 am - Peter calls down to the portero (guard) to let him know to expect the doctor and let him up right away. I'm whimpering and starting to feel frantic. I can tell baby is coming, BUT I'M STILL FULLY DRESSED SITTING IN THE ARMCHAIR.

8:10 am - The doctor finally arrives. He and Peter make several trips bringing equipment into our bedroom. I'm on my hands and knees, barely able to speak, and starting to seriously panic THAT THEY KEEP LEAVING THE ROOM. I somehow manage to blurt out that the baby is coming and THEY NEED TO STOP LEAVING. I'm still wearing my pyjamas and at serious risk of delivering baby girl fully dressed. The imminency of the situation now clear, the doctor helps me out of my pjs while Peter runs around the house frantically gathering every towel we own. The doctor tries to check me and I none too calmly tell him to get away from me. I ask Peter to change the track playing on the laptop to the "pushing" script.

8:15 am - I ask Peter what time it is. He tells me 8:15. I start pushing and can tell she's coming fast. About three minutes after asking Peter to turn the hypnobabies pushing script up, I tell him abruptly to turn it off. I'm not listening anymore... or maybe just not hearing. At this point it's all about getting it done. I vocalize loudly, but am not screaming like with Andrew. Pushing is painful (way more than pressure!), but is also a relief. I feel intense pain as she descends through the birth canal and crowns, but am not worried I'll die before she's born like I did during transition and pushing with Andrew.

8:22 am - As her head is born, the doctor asks me to stop pushing. Ha. As the rest of her body emerges, there's such a wave of relief. The bag of waters breaks as she's born -or the doctor broke it once her head was born- as it hadn't broken prior to labour. Still on my hands and knees and shaking from the effort, I don't even pick her up immediately. Either Peter or the doctor wraps her in a hand towel and I get my first good look at her as she lets out her first little cries. I again ask Peter what time it is and am amazed to hear it's only been seven minutes. After a few more minutes, I manage to turn over so I can sit and get a better look at her... and her red hair!

8:30 am - The nurse arrives as we're waiting for the placenta to be born. The look on her face when she sees the baby already here is priceless. After sitting for a few minutes more, I decide to get up and head to the pre-filled-but-now-barely-warm tub with the baby. Even with all the boiling water from the stove, it's not comfortable for long. It does give me the chance to clean us both up a bit and to nurse the baby.



After changing into a clean (and non-pyjama) shirt (that I managed to put on backwards), I headed to the bed and we finally called my mom and Andrew into the room... to meet Eloise Amora Kaye Bundy. Andrew climbed right up onto the bed and was quick to give hugs and kisses to both me and Eloise, although he was more focused on me than the baby.

Eloise birthday-12
about 75 minutes after birth

She didn't have even a hint of a cone-head, no bruising whatsoever. She came out so quickly, there was just no time.

Eloise birthday-11

After a few pictures, Peter took Eloise out to try calling his family on Skype, and my mom was able to get ahold of my younger sister. Since I was still laying on the bed covered by a towel, I finally asked the nurses to get the doctor to come assess the damage. As he started with the freezing, I had to ask one of the nurses if they'd mind getting me some toast or a muffin or something to eat. I was feeling light-headed and realized that -at 10:30 am- I hadn't eaten a thing that day!

Stitching completed, they brought Eloise back in to weight and measure her. As you can see, she wasn't a fan of the process.

Eloise birthday-10

After another shower, I headed out to grab another snack and pretty much parked myself on the couch for the rest of the day. The doctor and nurses mentioned several times "how strong Canadian women are". They couldn't believe how quickly and "easily" I laboured, that I was up taking a bath 10 minutes after the birth, and walking around getting myself something to eat a few hours later (they had, however, just come from a 21 hour labour where the mom pushed for four hours). They left about four hours after Eloise was born.

I'll end here even though I haven't written about Liam and Simon's first reactions (Simon said some hilarious and blog-worthy things), since it's taken me this long to make it this far... and she'll be 15 days old tomorrow!

Eloise birth was not quite what I'd envisioned... It was not the calm waterbirth I'd wanted. There was no birth pool. No cute bathing suit I'd bought specially for the occasion. There was no peaceful easing, no gentle waves of pressure, no letting my body bring the baby out. It was intense and powerful and overwhelming and fierce AND FAST.

BUT... even amidst the pain of contractions (although some women have painless births with hypnobabies, mine WAS NOT!), I felt so... in control. There was no fear. I welcomed the pain of the contractions, rather than tense up and fight it like my prior births. I don't even have the words to explain it... other than I felt so confident and, yay, in control. Only when it became clear that baby was crowning and the doctor still hadn't arrived, did I start to panic and feel overwhelmed by the pain. I do wish that he'd arrived sooner and I'd been able to stay relaxed throughout, but it was just too fast!

So fast that there are no pictures! *sob*

I'd gotten the camera all charged and ready to go, brought it into the room and set it on the shelf... where it remained untouched throughout the entire labour and birth. Being a photographer, I'd really hoped for wonderful images to remember this, my last, birth.

But what I do have are wonderful memories of a quick, intense and empowering birth welcoming this amazingly sweet little soul into the world. Our sweet little Eloise who we've spent the last two weeks getting to know and love.

june 22-10

june 22-1

Next up, a post about the placenta in our freezer. Not to be missed.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

6 days old... this is how we roll

Still no birth story. Sorry. I'm working on it! I promise!

Will some new pictures make up for it??

These were taken yesterday when Eloise was six days old. I'm wearing her in a Didymos Laguna ring sling... for anyone who cares. I also used this sling when she was three days old when we went shopping. Yes, I went out shopping at three days postpartum... amazing what you'll do for a nursing bra... which we didn't even find.

Anyways...

laguna-2

I'm laughing at something Peter said here. I'm also out of focus. Oops.

laguna-1

I actually prefer a simple rebozos carry to a ring sling, so I might need to find this same wrap as a shortie instead.

I loooooove the orange/turquoise combo! LOVE. IT.

laguna-3

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Colombians would say we "have a good mould*"

I know that Father's Day was Sunday, but I was going on four nights without sleep and tear-inducing engorgement since my milk had just come in. Baby girl was thrilled with her sweetly-filled belly, but this mama (and her, uh, abundant supply) were very sorry -and sore!- indeed. 

Thankfully things are starting to regulate themselves, I'm no longer full up to my armpits and can therefore type again.

And put together slideshows**.

About the amazing guy I chose to make babies with.


Happy Father's Day, hon.

Love you.

*We're Canadian. We like our extra 'u's.
**These are all pictures taken between last Father's Day and this Father's Day. 


(ETA: This morning, while showing the video to Peter, I noticed there were a bunch of photos missing from Sept-Dec. I couldn't leave things alone so I edited the video. If you're reading in a reader, you'll have to click through to see it,)

Monday, June 20, 2011

let's hear it for the boys

My entry for the i hearts faces photo challenge this week. One of my favourite pictures I've ever taken of the boys. From our trip to Curacao in November/December.

Curaçao last day-4


www.iheartfaces.com.jpg



still working on my birth story....

Saturday, June 18, 2011

a new crazy

If I wait until I have the entire birth story written up, pecked at one handed a line here and a line there, I'm not likely to get any pictures posted before July. 

And you know there are pictures.

* * * * * * * * * *

Eloise Amora Kaye Bundy
born 15.June.2011  8:22am
7lbs 11oz 
20cms long



Eloise birthday-12
about 75 mins old

Eloise birthday-11

Eloise birthday-10

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letting friends at the Embassy know

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meeting the boys on their return from school

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dressed in the same sleeper that my parents brought me home from the hospital in!

Eloise birthday-5
no important family event would be complete without some silly faces...
poor baby girl... get used to the crazy!
you're surrounded

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

tuppence, tuppence, tuppence a bag... or the best 50 cents I ever spent

Though her words are simple and few
Listen, listen, she's calling to you
"Feed the birds, tuppence a bag
Tuppence, tuppence, tuppence a bag"

Tell me you remember that song from Mary Poppins

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bogota sightseeing-27

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These were all taken by a friend of mine, Lisa, during a sightseeing morning with my mom and aunt. We went up the cable car up to Monserrate, then headed to Plaza Simon Bolivar and the Presidential Palace before a visit to the emerald district in La Candelaria. I rarely hand my camera over to other (cause I'm a control freak), but I'm so glad I did because Lisa did a great job AND I'M ACTUALLY IN SOME PICTURES. I didn't even remember to take the camera out of manual! 

And Andrew? He loooooved feeding the pigeons. I thought he'd freak out with them clamouring all over us, but he couldn't get enough. We'll definitely be taking all three boys back before we leave Colombia.

(If I get around to it, this post will link back to these Wordless Wednesday parties.)

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

an update on my earlier emotionally-fragile, too-pregnant rant

I know my post from earlier today didn't portray me as the ray of sunshine I'm sure you've come to expect when you visit this blog.

Um...

Well I did want to update a couple things.

Not long after writing that post and hitting publish, I spoke to my doctor. Being over 41 weeks, he wanted me to go in for both an ultrasound and an NST (non stress test). Although I wasn't thrilled about a bunch of testing that would have the potential to lead to even more intervention, I understood our doctor's position. He's currently the only doctor in the city (this city of 9 million people) who does homebirths and he generally caters to the upper class... including diplomats. I'm sure it would be an absolute nightmare for him should there be some tragedy involving the wife or newborn of some diplomat or high profile ex-pat.

Our doctor made the appointment and I went to pick Peter up from the Embassy. I was so thankful he was able to leave work on such short notice to come with me... and thankful that we could get in so quickly (once we found the place!)

We ended up having to sit through TWO twenty minute scans since baby girl slept soundly through the first. Because they weren't able to track any movement, the tech sent us to "eat something sweet" and come back. Two Snickers bars and a bottle of Coke later and she was hopping all over the place! The second scan went great and baby girl passed with flying colours.

The ultrasound was quick and painless. The tech measured fluid levels -which were perfect- and then went on to take measurements of head, torso and long bones. Each time, she made some comment about HOW BIG the baby is... even saying, "You have a FAT BABY." This made me pretty nervous... until we saw the actual gestational age the measurements corresponded to, most of which were in the 37-38 week range.

I'm 41+ weeks!

Then we reminded ourselves how small Colombians make em. She probably just wasn't used to seeing measurements of those sizes... even though baby is only estimated around 7lbs!

Either way, it all went well and baby girl scored 10/10. 

We're total over achievers.

* * * * * * * * * * * 

While Peter and I were sitting around during the NSTs he informed me that he learned that, while we might end up being short on time to apply for the baby's diplomatic passport, there is the option of getting a temporary passport printed for urgent travel. So regardless when baby decides to make her grand entrance, a temporary passport only takes three days to obtain. 

*big sigh of relief*

More importantly, he also informed me that the consultations in Ottawa that would require us to leave Bogota July 3rd (in 2 1/2ish weeks) have been rescheduled for two weeks later. We still haven't narrowed down when our house hunting trip will be, but we now have more time. A bigger cushion. Less stress.

*bigger sigh*

So, yes, I feel a bit silly for my emotional fragility of earlier, but it was probably a good thing to get some of it out. 

Not a complete waste.

But more than a bit humbling to see how things have worked themselves out so quickly.

* * * * * * * * * * 

Now I'll return to surfing Pinterest and killing time on Twitter while I time "contractions"... hopefully some of these ones are real.

ranty 41 week post

I was trying to hold off posting again until I had some baby news, but that doesn't seem to be on the immediate horizon and in the meantime I've neglected blogging about some major events around here. Not only did we celebrate Liam's 8th birthday, some friends held a baby shower for me, and my mom and aunt arrived from Canada. Our first guests! My aunt was only able to stay for five days, but we managed to pack in a fair bit of sightseeing and Colombian culture. My mom is here until late July and it's been so great to have her here. More detailed posts (and pictures!) will come.

Speaking of she-who-has-finally-been-named (but whose name will remain a closely guarded secret), although yet to be born SHE'S ALREADY FRUSTRATING US. Clearly she's inherited a stubborn streak from her father me both her parents.  

Or it could be that I just have such a comfy uterus that she's disinclined to leave.

Alternately, she could be afraid of THE HEIGHTENED LEVELS OF CRAZY the boys have exhibited lately... 

Personally, I think she's scared to come out.

Or maybe she was just waiting for me to write this post about her... knowing these thoughts would immediately get lost in those first days and months with a new little soul earth side...

* * * * * * * * * * 

If we're friends on Facebook or Twitter, you'll have had to listen to me whine about the seemingly eternal cold I've been dealing with. Not even so much the cold, but the blasted cough that's accompanied it. I just couldn't shake it. My throat was raw, my non-existent abdominal muscles were in shreds, and I could hardly breathe without a fit of coughing. 

I joked that when I came time to push, I'd just cough the baby out.

While my aunt was here, she offered to do a "healing hands" session with me. Although not something that I was familiar with, it was essentially a time of really deliberate, directed, healing prayer. After coughing for over a month, I was more than willing to give it a try. I'd love to say that I was immediately healed of my cold, that wasn't what happened.

I was given a different gift, however. One that I didn't even realize I was needing. 

While my aunt placed her hands on me and prayed, I was able to forced to be lay quietly and be still and think and reflect and pray myself. What became evident in that quiet time is that, regardless of our anxiousness (is that a word?) for this baby to come and our concerns for the timing of our trip back to Canada to find a new house, we have to remember that God has a plan for us.

In regards to finding a place to live, the thought of landing in Ottawa as a family of six without a home to go to does make me nervous. Yet I've been increasingly reminded how clear it's been over the last four years that we're exactly where we should be. Too many things have fallen too perfectly into place for it to be coincidence. Far too many.

The time to reflect on the past and God's faithfulness was such a gift, as was the peace it brought...

* * * * * * * * * *

The above was all written over the last probably 10 days, in bits and pieces. Fast forward two weeks to this morning... I'm either 41 weeks 1 day (by my calculations) or 41 weeks on the nose (by the doctor's). Either way, I THOUGHT WE'D HAVE HAD THIS BABY BY NOW. As much as I try to hold onto that sense of peace from that morning with my aunt, it's gone.

I'm done.

Physically, I honestly feel pretty good. True, the novelty of this big belly as a constant fashion accessory has waned significantly, the nightly heartburn is getting old, and -as predicted- the ultrafirm mattress the embassy supplied us with is not kind to my hips... but generally I'm not that uncomfortable. Physically I'm sure I could do this for several more weeks...

But emotionally? Mentally? I'm just done.

The waiting and hoping has changed to anxiety and impatience (my control-freak nature is not helping!).

Prayers are now straight out pleading and begging.

Excitement is quickly becoming resentment.

I don't need to be reminded that some day I'll miss being pregnant and wish I could once again feel a new little person growing inside of me.  I know that will be the case. I have several friend who are in that boat right now or who have struggled to get pregnant or maintain a pregnancy. I know this baby is a gift. I know that. But I also know that every woman reaches a point where they're done.

I'm done.

Peter has been amazing at getting up in the morning and getting the boys' breakfast and getting them ready for school on his own the past week or so. We normally do this together, but he's been letting me sleep. But this morning (even though I was awake) I just stayed in bed alternating between praying begging and having a big pity party. Then I got up and sat at the computer crying when I realized that unless baby girl decides to come TODAY we risk not having time to get her birth records and passport in order in time for our house hunting trip in July. If we can't return to Canada early July, we'll likely be landing in Ottawa at the end of August WITH FOUR KIDS but no home.

I'm tired and stressed and emotional and frustrated AND ALL THESE HORMONES aren't helping. Our doctor will want me to go either today or tomorrow for another ultrasound and other monitoring (likely a non-stress test) which "will buy me another four days" if it all comes back fine. If not, I guess it will be some sort of induction, however I'm not sure what process they use down here. While -as mentioned above- I'm don't being pregnant, I'm also not comfortable with the option of induction. Nathaniel's birth was a c-section, so even though I've had two vaginal deliveries since then, this is still considered a VBAC.

*sigh*

I'm just tired of this.

    Wednesday, June 1, 2011

    39 week belly pics

    If you need a reminder, here are my 34 week pictures. Although I don't think I've gotten a tonne bigger in the last five weeks, my face sure looks round! This happens every pregnancy, so I really shouldn't be surprised, but still... whoa. Some lovely friends from the Embassy threw a baby shower for me last Friday (which I'll post some pictures and stories from as soon as I have the disc) and I was kind of shocked when I saw the pictures. Although I was either laughing or smiling ridiculously big in most of those. We really have been lucky in the community we found ourselves a part of down here...

    Although I'm not smiling in this first picture (like most of the 34 week ones), I like that if you tip your head and kind of squint, I hardly even look all that pregnant. The stripes were working in my favour for once! 

    Sort of.

    39 weeks-23

    39 weeks-22

    39 weeks-20

    So to prove that there is, in fact, a very large belly under those stripes, behold...!

    39 weeks-18

    39 weeks-17

    39 weeks-14

    39 weeks-13

    39 weeks-1139 weeks-10

    While I was sitting on the floor for this next series, Andrew was on the bed clicking the remote for me. 

    39 weeks-839 weeks-939 weeks-739 weeks-6

    39 weeks-5

    This is after I took the remote from him and he was trying to get it back,
    39 weeks-25

    34 weeks-1
    34 weeks

    39 weeks-4
    39 weeks

    And for a little different perspective...

    39 weeks-2

    39 weeks-3

    A full-term belly is this spring's hottest accessory, didn't you know??