my thoughts on H1N1 and fear

While I often take what Dr Mercola  has to say with a (often large) grain of salt -I can't stand how every one of his articles ends in a sales pitch- I do think this info is worth passing on. Seeing as many of my friends and all of my family read this blog (at least, they'd better!) I thought this an efficient way to pass on the info. And while I often joke that I wouldn't get near an H1N1 vaccine with a 10 foot pole, I want to say off the top here that I don't think that this Swine Flu -or those who've been extremely sick and/or died from it- are the least bit funny. However, so much about the vaccine, its production, marketing, etc, scare me.

P.S. Hopefully I'm not alienating any of my readers by posting this. I'm a big believer in having ALL the info in order to make an informed decision. If you decide to get vaccinated, we can still be friends. ;)

Check out this video on You Tube.
By Dr Joseph Mercola, MD

This year it is more important that you protect your children and loved ones from the flu vaccines than influenza itself. In his article published on LewRockwell.com, Bill Sardi details 18 reasons why you should not vaccinate your children against the flu this season. Here are nine of them:

• The swine flu is simply another flu. It is not unusually deadly.
• This is the first time both seasonal and pandemic flu vaccines will be administered. Both seasonal flu and swine flu vaccines will require two inoculations. This is because single inoculations have failed to produce sufficient antibodies. This is an admission that prior flu vaccines were virtually useless. Can you trust them this time?
• Adjuvants are added to vaccines to boost production of antibodies but may trigger autoimmune reactions. Some adjuvants are mercury (thimerosal), aluminum and squalene. Why would you sign a consent form for your children to be injected with mercury, which is even more brain-toxic than lead?
• This is the first year mock vaccines have been used to gain FDA approval. The vaccines that have been tested are not the same vaccines your children will be given.
• Over-vaccination is a common practice now in America. American children are subjected to 29 vaccines by the age of two. Meanwhile, veterinarians have backed off of repeat vaccination in dogs because of observed side effects.
• Modern medicine has no explanation for autism, despite its continued rise in prevalence. Yet autism is not reported among Amish children who go unvaccinated.
• Researchers are warning that over-use of the flu vaccine and anti-flu drugs like Tamiflu and Relenza can apply genetic pressure on flu viruses and then they are more likely to mutate into a more deadly strain.
• Most seasonal influenza A (H1N1) virus strains tested from the United States and other countries are now resistant to Tamiflu (oseltamivir). Tamiflu has become a nearly worthless drug against seasonal flu.
• Public health officials are irresponsible in their omission of any ways to strengthen immunity against the flu. No options outside of problematic vaccines and anti-flu drugs are offered, despite the fact there is strong evidence that vitamins C and D activate the immune system and the trace mineral selenium prevents the worst form of the disease.

How to Protect Yourself without Drugs and Vaccinations

There will always be threats of flu pandemics, real or created, and potentially toxic vaccines will continue to be peddled as the solution until enough people realize there’s a better, safer, saner way.

You can break free of the drug-solution trap right now by following these natural health principles. I have not caught a flu in over two decades, and you can avoid it too, without getting vaccinated, by following these simple guidelines, which will keep your immune system in optimal working order so that you’re far less likely to acquire the infection to begin with.

Optimize your vitamin D levels
As I’ve previously reported, optimizing your vitamin D levels is one of the absolute best strategies for avoiding infections of ALL kinds, and vitamin D deficiency is likely the TRUE culprit behind the seasonality of the flu — not the flu virus itself.

This is probably the single most important and least expensive action you can take.

If you are coming down with flu like symptoms and have not been on vitamin D you can take doses of 50,000 units a day for three days to treat the acute infection. Some researchers like Dr. Cannell, believe the dose could even be as high as 1,000 units per pound of body weight for three days.

Avoid sugar and processed foods
Sugar decreases the function of your immune system almost immediately, and as you likely know, a strong immune system is key to fighting off viruses and other illness. Be aware that sugar is present in foods you may not suspect, like ketchup and fruit juice.

Get enough rest
Just like it becomes harder for you to get your daily tasks done if you’re tired, if our body is overly fatigued it will be harder for it to fight the flu. 

Have effective tools to address your stress
We all face some stress every day, but if stress becomes overwhelming then your body will be less able to fight off the flu and other illness. If you feel that stress is taking a toll on your health, consider using an energy psychology tool such as Meridian Tapping Techniques, which is remarkably effective in relieving stress associated with all kinds of events, from work to family to trauma.

Exercise
When you exercise, you increase your circulation and your blood flow throughout your body. The components of your immune system are also better circulated, which means your immune system has a better chance of finding an illness before it spreads. You can review my exercise guidelines for some great tips on how to get started.

Take a good source of omega-3 fats like krill oil
Increase your intake of healthy and essential fats like the omega-3 found in krill oil, which is crucial for maintaining health. It is also vitally important to avoid damaged omega-6 oils like trans fats found in most processed foods, as it will seriously damage your immune response.

Wash your hands
Washing your hands will decrease your likelihood of spreading a virus to your nose, mouth or other people. Be sure you don’t use antibacterial soap for this — antibacterial soaps are completely unnecessary, and they cause far more harm than good. Instead, identify a simple chemical-free soap that you can switch your family to.

Eat garlic regularly
Garlic works like a broad-spectrum antibiotic against bacteria, virus, and protozoa in the body. And unlike with antibiotics, no resistance can be built up so it is an absolutely safe product to use. However, if you are allergic or don’t enjoy garlic it would be best to avoid as it will likely cause more harm than good.

Avoid hospitals and vaccines
In this particular case, I’d also recommend you stay away from hospitals unless you’re having an emergency, as hospitals are prime breeding grounds for infections of all kinds, and could be one of the likeliest places you could be exposed to flu bugs of all kinds.

As a side note, please beware that 21 different pediatric Tylenol products have been recently recalled due to the possibility of bacterial contamination. So, if your child comes down with cold or flu symptoms, make sure you do not give him or her a potentially contaminated product.

Better yet, help your child recover using more traditional cold and flu remedies, such as, hydrogen peroxide solution in the ear, zinc lozenges, high quality raw honey, or a homemade cough syrup.

Source: www.mercola.com

I really dislike all of the hype surrounding this issue. From both camps. Both sides misrepresent the facts. Both sides misrepresent the risk. Both sides skew the statistics, and both sides resort to fear mongering. 

We're afraid of getting vaccinated. We're afraid of NOT getting vaccinated. And we're mostly all afraid of getting swine flu.

At the risk of over-simplifying the issue (and at the risk of sounding preachy), I'm going to quote a verse from the best-selling book of all time. You know the one.

"For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." 

- 2 Timothy 1:7

A sound mind.

Other versions translate it as "good judgment", "self-discipline", "self-control", or "wise discretion".

So for now, my family will be washing our hands constantly often, limiting our intake of sugar (hahahaha... riiiiight. Anyone else wonder that flu outbreaks spike around HALLOWEEN, THANKSGIVING AND CHRISTMAS?? Shouldn't be surprise. *cough* chocolate *cough*), and popping the vitamin D like candy (thanks to a recent 50% sale of Jameson's vitamins for their something-or-other anniversary).

I find the link between vit D deficiency and flu and the overall health of our immune system very interesting. Some really compelling stuff. That, however, is another post altogether.

dress-up

This week's theme at I ♥ Faces is "Halloween Dress-Up", but SINCE HALLOWEEN HASN'T HAPPENED YET (sheesh, ladies, does Halloween happen on a different day where you live?? *just kidding*), I'm going to have to dig into the not-so-distant-past-archives to last year.

I realize this isn't a photographic masterpiece, but I didn't have much to work with that evening. The boys were crazy off the wall excited geared up to get going and I, in all my seven-months-pregnant glory couldn't steer wrestle them into posing for too many pictures.

To see more dress-up fun (and believe me, there are some cuuuute entries this week), check out the I ♥ Faces blog this week.

fix-it-friday #33

It's been a few weeks since I've participated in Fix It Fridays over at i heart faces. But this little guy's mug was too cute to resist. Here's the original photo courtesy of Carebear,

And here's the edit I did in Gimp,

I decided to focus on lightening the picture (easily using levels and contrast) and getting rid of the hot spots on his arm, cheek, neck and the back of his hair. For this I cloned, healed and made some copies of the top of his head that I then pasted into new layers and rotated to fit... I lost steam/ran out of time to do his shirt.

I realize that it's still very noisy (especially the background), but without the use of a de-noise program it would take me veeeeeery caaaaaarefully cutting around him with the magic lasso, the applying a gausian blur to the background. And I just don't have the time for that this morning!

To see others' take on this fix, head over to i heart faces.

ETA: I realize now that I didn't crop this picture at all. Normally I would crop off the top and left a bit, but just don't have the time to open it back up, crop, save, upload, then re-post. Sorry. It's after 11am and I haven't started school yet with Liam... and we're normally done by now!

Also ETA: I gave his hair quite a bit more volume, eh? I'm not sure if his hair is that curly in real life, but I think it at least looks natural enough. Thoughts?

matching clothes: blue, brown and dirt

For more Wordless Wednesdays, head over to 5 Minutes for Mom, 7 Clown Circus, and Wordless Wednesday.

broadsided

Last night before bed, I decided to look back to see what I'd blogged on Nathaniel's birthday last year. It turns out we didn't do much to celebrate or otherwise mark the day. The boys and I had just returned from a visit to Regina, getting in at 1:30am, so we hung out at home as a family and played in the leaves.

When I crawled into bed last night (much too late as usual, but this time due to a certain 9 month old who decided that he'd rather cry from midnight til 1am rather than sleep), I was still thinking about last year and trying to decide what we would do this year when it hit me...

That trip was the last time I saw my dad alive.

I did talk to him many times between that day and his death, but that was the last time I saw him. It's been A WHOLE YEAR since I looked in his eyes. A YEAR since I hugged him. A YEAR since I looked him in the eyes and told him I loved him. And as that realization hit me last night, I felt... it's hard to explain. My head felt heavy and my chest ached. I felt dizzy and a bit out of breath. Sometimes I'm still taken aback at what a physical response we can have to emotional pain. I. Miss. My. Dad.

The night before we left Regina  was also the night of my dad's first kidney dialysis treatment. After months of me saying that my dad was being over medicated, he was finally transferred to a doctor WHO AGREED. He discontinued half a dozen meds and arranged for the dialysis to help flush out  the medication and toxins that had been building up for most of a year (if not longer). I remember walking into the room with my mom half an hour or so into the treatment, to find my dad with his eyes open, alert, and responsive. Talkative even! This was amazing. For weeks he'd been sleeping all the time, not able to hold a conversation, barely even able to keep his eyes open long enough to answer a simple yes or no question.

During the hours we spent with my dad that night, my mom and I were able to ask him some of the questions  that he hadn't been able to answer in the weeks prior. There were so many decisions that had to be made in regards to his care, many of which my family was collectively feeling the burden of having to make without knowing his wishes. He still wasn't ready or willing to discuss funeral arrangements or anything to do with a memorial service, so we didn't push that matter.

I remember so badly wanting to ask him about death. I needed to know how he felt. Was he scared? Did he still stubbornly refuse to even consider the fact that he might, in fact, be dying? Had this last year, with its multiple surgeries, infections, pain, loss of dignity, etc, etc, ETC, changed his faith? What where his thoughts on God? Standing by his bed, trying unsuccessfully to make the words come -willing them to ask themselves- my mouth and mind refused to cooperate. It was one of those moments like in a dream, where you try to talk or scream but can't. The words wouldn't come. When I was finally able to choke down the lump in my throat, I managed to ask him whether he'd been thinking much about death and his response was a clear and articulate, "I'm not afraid to die." And when asked about his illness and God, my dad responded, "God doesn't change, and my illness doesn't change anything."

* * * * * * * * *


I'm not sure why I feel so compelled to share this part of my dad's story on this, what would be my baby's fourth birthday. Partly I think it's due to being able to see Nathaniel's birthday from a long way off. As early as the summer months, I see it coming. June holds the memories of all the initial testing we had done and the news of the Trisomy 18 diagnosis. With July (which always seems to go too fast) comes the knowledge that August is quickly followed by September, and once September hits, it is impossible to ignore October close on its heels. It doesn't sneak up on me anymore.

But this whole thing about not having seen my dad FOR A WHOLE YEAR, well it came out of nowhere. These two great losses -the loss of my dad and my son- have come together in a not exactly pleasant kind of way. Grief has a way of compounding. Compounding in a way that those who have not experienced wave after wave of intense, crushing pain that are the result of a great loss can ever truly understand.

So this year, thoughts of my should-be-four-year-old boy are entwined closely with memories of my died-too-soon father. I hope it doesn't sound too contrived to say that I am who I am, in part, because of theoe two. My relationship with them and the loss of them profoundly shaped and changed me. I am so proud to be my father's daughter. I am so proud to be Nathaniel's mum.

I hope they are proud of me.

From Mourning to Dancing: Part V

(apologies in advance for the funky paragraph spacing)


From Mourning to Dancing: Part IV

Sept 16th, 2005

We  met with an obstetrician this week to discuss the option of early induction around 37 weeks.  We feel that this will give us the best chance to meet Nathaniel alive, while also making it possible for our families to make the necessary arrangements to be with us. 

To be honest, the meeting was quite frustrating. Beyond frustrating, actually. The doctor didn’t have a problem with my being induced early, but when we started discussing the option/possibility of needing a c-section, she was less in agreement with us. Basically, we want the whole labor and delivery treated like a normal pregnancy -like any other pregnancy- up to and including them performing a c-section if Nathaniel is showing signs of distress. But from their point of view, they figure there’s no point putting the mother at risk (since it IS major surgery) when the baby isn’t going to live anyways. They see only risks without benefit. For us, the benefit of having even a few minutes with Nathaniel would be worth the risk!

What really upset me was the doctor listing risk after risk AFTER RISK associated with a c-section. Not only that, but she made some comment about, "What would happen to your other little boy at home if something were to go wrong?" 

What am I supposed to say to that??!

If it were a healthy pregnancy, but the baby was, say, breech, she'd be playing down the risks and assuring us that they do thousands of c-sections each year! She certainly wouldn't be trying to scare/guilt me out of it. 

We really just need for the doctors to be understanding and helpful in making the best out of this situation, and that they’d understand and respect our wishes. After going back and forth for quite awhile, I think we finally got through to her. At least I hope so...

The problem is that she’s one of about eleven or twelve obstetricians who are on call at the hospital. So our efforts to make her see our side may all have been in vain if she's not the one on call that night. I have this fear of being on the table in the delivery room, with Nathaniel’s heart rate dropping, having to argue and plead for some strange doctor to give our little boy the same chance they would give any other boy.

Our greatest hope and prayer and the thing that keeps me up crying long into the night is that we be given some time (any time!) with Nathaniel to hold him, meet him, and tell him how loved he is. The obstetrician reminded us several times how the majority of babies with Trisomy 18 undergo “fetal demise” (which was certainly not news to us, nor was it helpful!), and we just really don’t want that to be the case – especially after carrying him for this long.

* * * * * * * * * *

We’ve just found out that Peter’s parents (who are missionaries in Africa) will be able to be in town from Oct 17^th til the end of the month. As long as I don’t go into labor early (which is a real risk with my amniotic fluid levels continuing to increase), we plan on my being induced around Oct 18^th or 19^th so that they’ll be able to be with us and meet Nathaniel. We’re so thankful that it’s going to work out for them to be here! Being able to somewhat schedule things will mean that my family will be able to be here from Regina too. What a gift.

* * * * * * * * * *


Peter and I are currently trying to decide where we want to have Nathaniel buried. We're in Calgary right now, but know that it is a temporary situation while Peter is in school. But Regina is so far away. Not having done this before, we don't really know how much -or even if!- we're going to want to visit the grave site. Burying him in Regina would make frequent visits impossible. However, we know we won't be living in Calgary forever and I get ill at the thought of flying away for the last time and knowing that he's being left behind. Then I remind myself that it won't be him. Are we even going to want to visit a place that will do nothing but make us think of his little decaying body lying in the cold ground? Will we find comfort there?

We just don't know.


(AND HOW SURREAL TO BE PLANNING BURIAL ARRANGEMENTS INSTEAD OF A BABY SHOWER.)

* * * * * * * * * *


After finishing up the last few hours I need in order to be eligible for maternity benefits (thanks to crossing the picket lines at Telus -I know, I'm a scab... my apologies for having things on my mind other than Union squabbles- and thanks to Peter's sister, Sara, being in town to spoil babysit Liam ), I am now off work and able to enjoy these last few weeks of being pregnant, trying to make things as fun and normal as possible for Liam. 

Speaking of which, we’re potty training right now BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH ON MY PLATE. Actually he’s doing great and it’s turning out to be much easier than I thought it would be. We'll see what happens when his life gets flipped upside down...


Liam is such a joy for Peter and me through all this. He pointed at my stomach the other day and said, “Too, TOO big Mummy”. He refers to my stomach as the “BIG tummy” and his own as the “Little tummy”. How can we not smile when around him? Nothing brings me out of the depths of my grief more quickly than his shining face.


* * * * * * * * * *

Looking back, it’s hard to believe that the summer is basically over and Nathaniel will be here in less than a month. I’m sure these last four weeks will go by much faster than I’d really like. While part of me is relieved by the thought of not being pregnant anymore (and being able to get off the couch without help!), it’s also bitter sweet to think that this will all be over soon. 

Most births are a beginning, but this story will end before it really starts.

we grieve with hope

This week in October is always a hard one for me. I wait for it each year, anticipating it's arrival, yet it always sneaks up on me.

October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, and four days later, October 19th, is the anniversary of Nathaniel's birth. And his death. He would be four years old this year.

For those of you who may be new to this blog, our second son, Nathaniel, had a rare chromosomal abnormality called Trisomy 18 (or Edward's syndrome). We chose to carry him to term, knowing full well that his condition was "incompatible with life" and being told at each turn that he would very likely die in utero prior to birth. Except that he didn't. We were blessed with two hours with him... although it wasn't enough. It could never be enough.

When I started writing his story, without formally thinking it or saying it out loud, I kind of/sort of/really hoped to have it done by his birthday. So that I could post on his birthday about his birth day. But unless I do absolutely nothing in the next four days other than write -and unless I write such long posts that likely no one would be interested in reading them- I don't think it's going to happen.

And I'm a little disappointed. In myself. Like I let him down.

I know that that's silly, and that it's about me, not him. Nonetheless, I wish I'd worked more diligently to finish his story on time. But when I ask myself who I'm writing his story for and why I'm writing it, I have to admit that (while I'd love it if you would all take the time to read it) in as much as it is "Nathaniel's story", it's my story too, and I write it for myself and for these other little beings who call me "mom". So that one day they'll be able to read about their brother, and also begin to understand who I was then and how that experience changed me.

How Nathaniel changed me.

It is a story of loss and pain and grief, but also of hope. So I remember him tonight on Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day as I remember him everyday. I am thankful for the oh so brief time we were given with him, and I am thankful for the hope.

all about Andrew

I have a video I'm working on showcasing about a hundred pictures I took of a lightsaber fight between Liam and Simon, so to balance things out here's a post all about Andrew.

He started out the afternoon dressed in a very cute little brown hoodie and a blue and grey striped shirt. Thanks to a MASSIVE blow out that required a complete change of clothes and nearly necessitated a hose down outside, he ended up in this slightly garish (but warm) Tigger sweat shirt that was given to me in a bag of outgrown boys' clothes. If you know me, you'll know that I'm not big on logos or mascots or characters on my kids' clothes (exceptions made for Lego, Star Wars and a few vintage comic book super heros).

Why so seeeeerious you two? What's up with the Blue Steel look??

One of Peter and my favorite, FAVORITE things about Andrew is how he hugs. For a little guy, he hugs WITH GUSTO. He will wrap his little arms as tightly and as far around our necks as he can... which is not very far considering HE CAN BARELY REACH HIS OWN EARS. I don't remember the other two boys hugging us so dilerately at such a young age. Andrew's been doing it for weeks now.

This poor child is subjected to more than his fair share of tickling around here... but how can we possibly resist??

laughing, excited, looking forward, thankful

: : laughing at : :

I first saw this video over at spydergrrl's blog. There seems to be two distinct people groups nowadays... those who Twitter and those who don't. The first group will find this video VERY funny. The rest of you can either skip this part or watch it and then feel justified in your decision to avoid it.

: : excited about : :

The family session I did this weekend for the winning bidders of the photography session I donated to the Caring and Sharing charity auction. It was a beautiful day with an amazing sky and the stunning fall colors.

The multi-family session I'm doing this afternoon for some wonderful friends. A mom, her three grown daughters, their husband, kids, babies, and baby bellies. These families have completely embraced us since moving here and we are incredibly thankful for them.


The FREE Tassimo coffee system that should be delivered hopefully this week. That's right FREE! I logged onto Twitter Thursday evening while nursing Andrew and saw all this @TassimoCanada talk... about free coffee system being given away. I was intrigued. Peter and I have been tempted by all our friends' fancy shmancy espresso machines for months now often discussed our longing for an espresso machine, but realize that it is not in the budget when our priority is for me to be a stay at home mom and thus live on one income. As I searched to find out the details of the giveaway, my heart was POUNDINGwondering if I would be in time to nab one of the 50 remaining systems... then I saw that one of the requirments was that you have 500 followers. I do not have 500 followers. So I tweeted this,

And a few minutes later, received this message from @TassimoCanada,

I'm a bit embarrassed to admit it, but I got all teary. So silly, I know. But I really was excited! An espresso machine is certainly NOT A NEED, but to be GIVEN something that we wouldn't otherwise buy and couldn't otherwise afford is REALLY EXCITING. For FREE! Yeah!

: : looking forward to : :

Finding out how an upcoming interview that Peter has may impact our future. It's not at all a sure thing as he does not even meet all of the minimum requirements, but the mere idea of what it might mean fills me with nervous excitement... and fills my mother with anxiety and arguements against it! I won't say more on here until we have a concrete 'nay' or 'yay'.

: : thankful for : :
 
My husband, who hasthe strongest work ethic of anyone I've ever seen. Who does more dishes, more loads of laundry, and empties more garbage (why does Firefox not think that "garbages" is a word??) than most of the men I know. Who puts up with our different opinions of clean vs tidy. Who doesn't complain (too much) about having had a baby in bed with us for the majority of the last six and a half years. A man who I see striving to continually grow and learn and improve both physically and educationally, but also spiritually. Who loves his family deeply and visibly and whose arrival at home produces squeals of joy from his children.

Three beautiful boys who are such a blessing. Such a gift. The love I have for them -and them for me- is unconditional and complete. They bring out the best -and sometimes the worst- in me. Little boys who remind me daily of our (ie. MY) imperfect, sinful condition and our universal need for a Saviour... and our need to both give and recieve grace in the little things. What a huge responsibility and honour it is to be their mother, teacher, guide and friend.

I am so thankful for my family.

(sorry about the watermark, I just couldn't help using this picture and didn't want to bother Melanie (at m-photography) to get another copy to use)

Our extended family who loves and supports and encourages us, even from far away. Peter and I were just saying last night how thankful we are that we get along so well with our own parents and eachothers', as well as all of our siblings AND their spouses... so far. Lyn, you'd better not rock the boat with whoever you choose! Plus we have an amazing bunch of nephews, a sweet little niece, and one on the way.We love you all!

The amazing group of friends we've found here and our new church family. Never before have we had such a wide and active social circle. From hockey Monday nights for the guys to homeschool meet up, from lemonade stands to apple picking, from birthdays to weddings to anniversaries and holidays... we are so thankful for our friends. They are loving and fun and thoughtful and caring and like-minded. They celebrate our growth and achievements, and bring us soup to the Emergency Room when we've been sitting there for seven hours.

A God who loves unconditionally, leads gently, extends his grace and mercy continually, forgives completely and changes NEVER.

flashback while looking forward

When I posted some of the pictures from our photo session with Melanie from mphotography, I mentioned that I look shockingly similar to my mother in one of the pictures. No one spoke up. Either in my defense or to contradict me. So for today's Flashback Friday, I'm going to dust off one of my parent's wedding pictures.

The picture on the left was taken in 1975, when my mom was 30 years old. The picture on the right was taken this year, WHEN I AM 30 YEARS OLD. Other than the obviously different hair and my mother's much nicer cheek bones, you have to admit that we look a lot alike.

Cmon! Someone back me up here!

This post ink back to both Tia's Flashback Friday and Alicia's Friday Photo Flashback posts. If you're ever looking for a post idea for Fridays, check out these two fun blog carnivals and their awesome hosts.

putting myself out there... and being melodramatic

Being one who prefers to subscribe to blogs rather than follow, I've never bothered to add the Followers widget to my blog.

Until now.

I find myself feeling kinda left out when I see others' followers. So I'll just say it...  I want followers, too. *stomps feet*

There. I said it.

And if you scroll down to the bottom of my blog, you'll see the Followers widget. But don't click on it just because I whined about it asked you to. And don't do it because I'm hosting a big giveaway (because I'm not). I'm hoping you'll do it BECAUSE YOU LOVE ME.

Why else?

a story worth telling and a confession or three

Liam and I had dentist appointments this morning. Knowing there was absolutely ZERO CHANCE of Simon sitting still and Andrew remaining happily in his car seat for the better part of an hour, I dropped the two younger boys at some friends on the way to our appointment. Afterwards, we returned to lunch (all of us), playtime (the kids) and a bit of desperately needed adult conversation (Shannon and I).

Since we were already out, we headed from our friends' house to the grocery store to pick up a few necessities (broccoli, leeks, bananas, mandarin oranges, Ritz and goat cheese... mmm, goat cheese... necessities). By the time I managed to load the kids and food into the van, Andrew was beyond the point of being able to wait til we got home to nurse. I plied Liam and Simon with an orange each, promising them a trip to Toys 'R Us (JUST TO LOOK) in return for a few moments of peace, then settled into the front seat to feed the hysterical sweetly insistent baby, but not long after starting I heard Simon utter those six little words that can strike fear into the heart of any parent...

"Mummy, I have to go peeeeeeeee!"

Remember that we were in the parking lot. Nary a bathroom in sight.

I interrupted Andrew's meal while saying to Simon, "Can you wait til we get to Toys 'R Us, sweetheart? Can you hold it til we get there? Then we can go to the bathroom at Toys 'R Us??". He said he could wait, but he's only two and every mother knows that TWO YEAR OLDS ARE NOT TO BE TRUSTED. Especially when concerned with their newly-trained bladder function.

(Don't tell anyone, but I didn't even bother to buckle Simon into his car seat for the drive across the parking lot to Toys 'R Us. Bad frantic-to-find-a-bathroom-and-avoid-an-accident mommy.)

We drove the short distance to Toys 'R Us, I got myself and the boys out of the car and headed into the store. While the boys ran on ahead, I stopped in the front entrance to put Andrew's car seat in a shopping cart. When I turned to go through the next set of doors, I found Simon standing just inside the door WITH HIS PANTS AND UNDERWEAR AROUND HIS KNEES.

I did tell him he'd be able to pee when we got to Toys 'R Us, but had no idea he'd take me quite so literally!

I screamed for him to stop and amid squeals of laughter from the two young girls at the customer service desk (conveniently located right next to the front doors), I pulled Simon's pants up, threw him in the cart and raced to the washrooms. I was quite literally running FULL OUT. Pushing a  big blue shopping cart.

We made it.

Simon was able to relieve himself and I was just plain relieved.

* * * * * * * * * *

Speaking of our dentist appointments, the dental hygenist who did Liam's cleaning AND the dentist who did the exam both mentioned repeated how clean his teeth are and how healthy they look. Even the receptionist  made a remark. My mothering was praised, my attention to dental hygiene extolled. BECAUSE MY CHILD HAS CLEAN TEETH.

I can't believe I'm admitting this to you all, but I brush Liam's teeth maybe, maybe, three times a week. When he eats dessert. If he eats something sweet before bed, we'll make sure he brushes. Most of the time. When I admitted this to the hygenist and dentist -yes I did!- they looked at me in amazement. Given how many fruits and vegetables he eats, how little candy and how infrequently he drinks anything other than water or milk (raw, unpasterized goats' milk mostly) it really shouldn't come as that big of a surprise.

So although the good mothering accolades are not due to my rigourous tooth brushing regime, I'll still take them FOR MY SUPERIOR ATTENTION TO NUTRITION (and for having a son who loves vegetables more than is normal for any six year old).

I, however, get to go back on the 29th for a cleaning, a cavity that needs to be filled, AND A WISDOM TOOTH EXTRACTION. Super.

* * * * * * * * * *

While I'm baring my soul and coming clean here on ye old blog, I have another confession to make.

Something else that I've never admitted here, but that I think you should all know before you commit (anymmore of) your time to reading me.

I love Gossip Girl.

There. I said it.

I love Gossip Girl. I love Chuck Bass. And Blair and Serena and Dan and Nate and the crazy high fashion world of the Upper East Side. I'm not sure if you can get any further removed from the life of a 30-year old stay at home mom living in French Canada. Ha. I doubt I'm the target demographic they had in mind!

Peter would stick a fork in his eye rather than watch Gossip Girl, which is why I'm eternally grateful that he plays hockey every Monday night. Thanks to this scheduling, I don't have to hear my loving husband complain about me watching that garbage and I don't have to remind him that HE SPENDS HOURS WATCHING MEN WHACK A HUNK OF RUBBER AROUND A SHEET OF ICE.

I'm a good mom AND a good wife... who boast impeccable taste in qualiy television programming.

not a dial-up friendly post

Our pictures are up! Our pictures are up! I. AM. EXCITED.

Back sometime in July, an innocent remark on Twitter by Melanie from m photography about my photo blog resulted in a deal being struck. I would do some design work on her photo blog, freeing it from the shackles  and limitations of Blogger designed blog templates, and she would offer to me a free family photo session.

Although I spent many hours on her blog -several of which due to RE-DOING what I'd already done after someone (*cough* Melanie *cough*) accidentally reset to an old template- I still think I got the better end of the deal.

Melanie suggested driving out to Wakefield -a small town about thirty minutes north of Gatineau, full of quaint, colorful little shops- for our photo shoot. Having been meaning to go there all summer, we loaded the kids into the van on a fine Sunday afternoon and made the short trip. Making two wrong turns and doubling back on ourselves only once, we arrived a mere fifteen minutes late. The stars were definitely alligned.

(On the way there, we fed the kids sugar cubes and Red Bull to ensure maximum alertness and energy levels.)

I'm thrilled with the pictures that Melanie took. Having promised my mom we'd have family pictures taken for her LAST CHRISTMAS, I might actually be able to fulfill that promise... just in time for THIS CHRISTMAS. Hopefully she'll be enjoy these shots much more than the Walmart variety she had in mind.

 Although you wouldn't know it from these first two shots, Simon actually did enjoy himself that day. Strangely, all of the pictures either have him look all outcast and downtrodden or else he's making some crazy face or striking a ninja pose (really, the out-takes are HILARIOUS).

Magical back lighting. The owners of the house from the first picture gave us permission to go around back and shoot in their garden. Not only does Wakefield boast one of North America's longest covered bridges and highest bungee jumps, but the people are amazingly friendly.

This is the first time y'all have seen my short hair. What do you think??

This was taken on the front steps of a cool old church right on the main street. I only wish that Liam would've left Andrew alone, but he was insistent on holding/lifting/carrying him in almost every shot. We were constantly saying, "Liam! Leave. Andrew. Alone!". To little avail.

Even though a bit over enthusiastic at times, can you guess which of our children was most into the photo session? Which one kept jumping into shots? Which one did so with far too much cuteness and we were thus unable to scold? Which one is in proportionately more shots than either of his younger brothers? Can you guess??

Clearly we love Liam best.

KIDDING.

He's pretty cute though, eh? No, I won't tell you which of them I'm talking about.


(Okay, I'm talking about both.)

And how's this for a new blogger/Facebook/Twitter avatar? Once I photoshop out that zit that just had to make an appearance under the left side of my nose (my right). That mark on the right (my left), that's a dimple. Dimples are cute. Pimples, however, are NOT so cute. Not for thirty year old mothers of four. Not for anyone, really.

And how about this last shot? DO I EVER LOOK LIKE MY MOM. Except that my mom has/had (*snicker* sorry, mom) red hair, not brown, but still... holy smokes! I've never, EVER thought I looked like my mom before. Crazy. CRAZY.

I definitely got the best end of the deal, eh?

There are many more pictures worth showing off, but I won't bug Melanie to post any more to Flickr for me. You'll all have to wait until I get a CD of all of the images. Then I'll show you all the out-takes of Liam and Simon acting crazy like little boys.

If you'd like to see some more of this talented lady's work (including an amazing wedding I assisted her on a few weeks ago, but have yet to blog about myself), here's her blog and her website is www.m-contemporaryphotography.com

low rider

Thursday, October 1st, marked the 10 month anniversary of my dad's death. The rawness of emotion when I think of him and how he died are somewhat passed. The grief is still very much present, but the sting has gone out of it. Yet there is still so much that bothers me about the circumstances that lead to his death and everything he endured during his last year... and everything we (and my mom especially) endured along with him.

I still think about him daily. It seems that there are memories and reminders of him every way I turn. So in the hopes of sharing a little more of him with you -and preserving some of these memories for my children- I'm going to let you in on some of the things that make me think of him:

• Orange juice. When making orange juice, my dad used to always sneak me a spoonful of the frozen concentrate before dumping the rest into the pitcher. I still think of him when I do this and when I give a bite to my boys.
• Lemon meringue pie. Since discovering that Simon can eat 2/3 of this (the meringue and the lemon filling), we've bought it a couple of times. It was always my dad's favorite and, by extension, my own. Don't get me wrong, I'm all about equal opportunities for ALL PIES, however lemon meringue holds a special place in my mouth stomach heart.
• As the weather gets colder, my thoughts turn towards warm comfort foods. Specifically Chili. My dad made The. Best. Chili. Although he passed his knowledge on to me (and I do make a mean pot of chili), his was clearly the "King of Chilis" and he was the Chili King.
• Corn chowder. For as long as I can remember, my dad would make a huge pot of corn chowder on Christmas Eve. From scratch. With lots of butter. And real bacon bits. After his death last December, I tried to take up the torch, however it just wasn't the same. I know that this was in part due to my restrictions because of Simon's allergies (ie, no onions, rice milk in place of cow's, and NO BUTTER *gasp*), but I don't know if I'll ever be able to match his version. He would wake up early in the morning and have it simmering all day, tweaking it as he went. It was full of his care and attention and love for our family.
• My camera. My Nikon d40 -my first DSLR- was a gift from my parents, given to me the day before my dad was hospitalized Dec 26th, 2007, (for pneumonia, then they found two brain tumors ,and subsequent surgeries that lead to a slow and awful decline until he died last Dec 1st). It was our last Christmas with him. I think of him often when I use it, and every time I consider upgrading. It will be very difficult to get rid of one of the last gifts he gave to me, even though I know I'll eventually have to. 
• Flannel shirts. After my dad's liver transplant and all of the weight he lost -both muscle and those insulating layers of body fat- he was always cold. Always. He took to dressing in layers, one of which was invariably a plaid flannel shirt of some kind. Last year, my mom and I cut up all of his shirts and made a quilt for my younger sister. It screams "him".
• Eagles. My dad had a thing for eagles. He had paintings and statues of them in his office.
• The book of Job and the musings of Madam Guyon. All of my dad's struggles and trials lead him to feel a kind of a kinship with Job. As I read some of Job to Liam this week in our school lessons, I couldn't help but be reminded of my dad, his love of God and God's word, and his faith.
• Native American culture. My dad had a deep respect for Native American culture. In his last project (a biomass ethanol plant in northern Saskatchewan) he worked closely with three of the Indian bands in the area. He always looked forward to his dealings with the various chiefs and each time came away with a great appreciation for elements of their culture. We often joked with him that we needed to christen him with a "native name"... something to do with eagles.
  

 And then there are the TV shows my dad liked to watch. Here's a snippet:

• Medium
• The Ghost Whisperer
• anything Star Trek
• old Law & Order re-runs
• Roughriders football
• the original Iron Chef (not so much the new Iron Chef America)
• Mythbusters
• Dancing with the Stars
  

The first two shows kind of give me pause to think. What's with the shows all about death and taking to the dead? In retrospect, I'm sure he thought about death a lot. Having been as close to death as he'd been in the past and being as sick as he was, it's not surprising. But I don't think he feared death. In a few of his more lucid moments (during his first dialysis treatment after months of being chronically over-medicated when they toxins were finally being cleaned out, and also the night he died) he clearly articulated that he was not afraid to die. I take comfort in that.

Some of the others -Mythbusters, Iron Chef, Dancing with the Stars (Dancing with the Stars??)- make me laugh. I certainly wouldn't consider any of these shows to be favorites of mine, but I do watch them on occasion and think of my dad. And smile.

This picture was taken when my dad moved from Missoula, Montana, to Regina, Saskatchewan. I looooove this picture. From the enormous shades and biggest-mutton-chops-possible, to the car so long it wouldn't all fit in the shot, to the discoloration-from-no-one-knows-what.

(This post was begun yesterday (Friday) and was meant to link back to Tia's Flashback Friday and Alicia's Flashback Friday posts, but the day got away from me and I was just too tired to do it before bed. Better late than never.)